(I’m away at college, texting my boyfriend. It’s a few weeks before I come home to visit.)
Boyfriend: “We need to see a movie when you come home. You can pick this time.”
Me: “Alright. I can tell you right now it won’t be the new Twilight movie.”
Boyfriend: *relieved* “Thank God, Allah, Buddha, Vishnu, and that bird thing from Egypt!”
(I knew I fell in love with this man for a reason.)
(I am getting a ride home from school from my friend’s grandma. I had been going out with a boy named Jacob for about a month, but then we broke up.)
Me: “Oh, look, there’s Jacob. He used to be my boyfriend.”
Friend’s Grandma: “You should’ve gone with Edward. Sorry, it had to be said.”
(I work in the electronics department of a large retail chain. This is back during the ‘Twilight’ craze.)
Customer: “Hello, I was looking to find the new Twilight.”
Me: “All of our Twilight movies are located over here. I can show you–”
Customer: “I need to find Breaking Dawn.”
Me: “Oh, well, our book department is this way–”
Customer: “No, no, no! I have the book already. I need the movie!”
Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but Breaking Dawn doesn’t come out until Friday.”
Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll just come back then.”
Me: “Ma’am, I meant it comes out in theaters on Friday.”
Customer: “So, you won’t have the DVD by Christmas?”
Me: “I’m sorry, no.”
Customer: “That’s just confusing! Why would the book come out before the movie?! It’s so weird!”
(I’m giving a jobseeker the email address of our recruiter. Note that this jobseeker is male.)
Me: “That’s L, V as in Victor, E as in echo.”
(He repeats the email address back to me.)
Caller: “That’s L as in love, V as in valentine, E as in Edward, and S as in Sam.”
Me: “Um, yeah.”
(I hand out a vocabulary list to a class of eight-nine-year-olds.)
Me: “Does anyone know any of the words?”
Student: “I know what twilight means!”
Me: “Go on, tell us what you think it means.”
Student: “Actually, I’m not completely sure, but it’s got something to do with vampires…”
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