(My best friend is bisexual and I’m asexual. We’re both girls and incredibly close. We’ve been mistaken for a couple a few times but have no romantic interest in each other. We’ve never come out to anyone but each other and we thought it was time to tell another one of our friends.)

Best Friend: “I have something to tell you.”

Other Friend: “Is it that you’re a lesbian? F***, now I owe your sister thirty bucks!”

Best Friend: “Well, actually, I’m bi.”

Other Friend: “Yes! She owes me thirty bucks! Wait, [My Name] isn’t a lesbian, is she?”

Me: “No, asexual.”

Other Friend: “YOUR MOM OWES ME THIRTY BUCKS, TOO! This is the best day ever!”

(I didn’t know what to be more shocked about: the fact that she knew us both so well, or that both my best friend’s and my family were betting on our sexuality!)

This story is part of the Bisexuality roundup!

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(My friend and I are both women in our mid-twenties. We just finished our meal and go up to pay. The cashier is a man around our age.)

Cashier: “Here’s your copy of the receipt.”

Friend: “Thanks!” *she then turns to me* “Here ya go!”

(She stuffs the receipt down into my bra. This is par for the course for me so I don’t bat an eye.)

Cashier: *blinking* “Okay, then…”

(I’m talking to my friend over Skype the day before his college classes start. His school policies demand that every student has to be enrolled in a computer literacy course sometime during their enrollment. We both know that he can use a computer well, so he’s less than pleased.)

Him: “It’s just some scam to wring money out of us.”

Me: “Oh, well. There’s not much to do but take the course.”

Him: “It’s probably just some dumb class where they teach you s***.”

(There’s a lull in the call as the realization dawns on him. I’ve already lost it and am already laughing at my expense as it sinks in for him.)

Me: “I think that’s the point of every class in general.”

Him: “I swear if you quote me on that…”

(Here’s to hoping he doesn’t see this!)

(My first daughter is about four months old. I have her in a baby carriage and am doing some shopping at the mall. She is sleeping peacefully until …)

Old Lady: “Oh! A baby!” *sticks her face up very close to my daughter, who wakes up and starts wailing in terror*

Old Lady: “Oh, no, now she’s crying! She must need a nap.”

Me: “Um, she just HAD a nap. She’s crying because you frightened her.”

Old Lady: “No, dear, I have a lot more experience with babies than you do, and this child needs a nap. I can tell.”

Me: *starting to get angry* “I TOLD you; she doesn’t need a nap. What she needs is for you to leave her alone.”

(Just then, the old lady’s friend joins her.)

Old Lady’s Friend: “A baby! Oh, she’s crying! What’s wrong with her?”

Old Lady: “She needs a nap.” *whispering* “So does her mother.”

(I have a medical condition that requires a service dog, but it doesn’t keep me from running with her every morning. Part of my route takes me past a high school bus stop. One morning, a mom is dropping their almost-late son off.)

Student: *getting out of his mom’s car* “Hey, it’s the dog guy!” *waves at me like he does every weekday morning*

Me: *waves back*

Student: “Mister, can I ask you something?”

Me: *jogs over* “Sure! What’s up?”

Student: *points to my dog, wearing a blue service vest* “Why do you have a service dog?”

Student’s Mom: *Gasps* “[Student]! What a rude question to ask!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s okay, really.”

Student’s Mom: “No, it’s not okay for him to offend you like that! It’s very rude to ask people things like that!”

Me: “Really, I’m not offended. I like it when people ask so I can educate others. I have a medic—”

Student’s Mom: “It’s okay. I know you’re disabled so you’re not good at making decisions for yourself.”

Student: *Gapes* “MOM!”

Me: “…I have epilepsy, not a developmental delay, lady.”

Student’s Mom: *turns bright red and zooms off, nearly hitting another car*

Student: “I am so sorry!”

Me: “You’d be surprised; that’s not even the rudest thing I’ve ever been told.”

This story is part of our Epilepsy roundup.

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