Archive for 2011

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The Time-Traveller’s Wife

| Johannesburg, South Africa | Romantic | December 29, 2011

(I am emailing my husband. He is very into sci-fi, and we have lots of theoretical debates about time travel.)

Husband: “Hello, future wife. It’s sad but unavoidable that present me cannot tell present you that I love her. So, we’ll have to settle for this quantum ping pong that currently exists. I love you, too, in any case. And past you. And future you, after you. I look forward to minimizing our proximities, so I can be closer to my current you. More love. Past husband.”

My Little Stony Relationship

| ME, USA | Romantic | December 29, 2011

(I’m at my boyfriend’s house. I am wearing a shirt with a pony from a show whose target audience are 5 year old girls, and involves lots of colorful ponies.)

Boyfriend’s roommate: “I like your shirt.”

Me: *eyes widen* “You, are my new best friend. Do you watch the show?”

Boyfriend’s roommate: “Yes.”

Me: “You, just made my day.”

Boyfriend: “So, I took you out to breakfast. And, I’m taking you to the movies. He makes your day because he likes a show about ponies. I see how it is. [Roommate], want to go to the movies?”

Me: “Well, if you liked [pony show], you’d make my day, too!”

Introducing! | Right | December 28, 2011

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Definitely Not On The DIY Channel

| Sydney, Australia | Right | December 28, 2011

(I work at a kids clothing store and a customer comes in with his wife. He is holding his newborn baby.)

Customer: “Look what we made!”

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With Great Money Comes Fiscal Responsibility

| Quebec, Canada | Right | December 28, 2011

Customer: “Excuse me? My 13-year-old son went to your store last night and spent over $200.”

Me: “Okay, and what is the problem?”

Customer: “Well, no one asked him for ID.”

Me: *confused* “Well, did he buy anything that requires him to be a certain age?”

Customer: “No, but he spent $200 and he’s only 13 years old. No one asked him for his ID!”

Me: “So, I should have asked him for ID and then declined to sell something to him because he’s a teenager?”

Customer: “Exactly. I’m shocked that your store doesn’t seem to have a policy about this.”

Me: “Ma’am, how did your son pay for what he bought?”

Customer: “Cash, of course. He’s way too young to have a debit or credit card.”

Me: “So you allowed your son to spend a Friday evening at the mall with $200 cash on him, but you’re blaming our store because he spent it?”

Customer: “Pretty much, yes.”

Me: “Ma’am, if he wasn’t buying anything he was too young to buy, I couldn’t decline the sale because of his age, as that would be discrimination.”

Customer: “Well, I’m pretty sure there are laws against it. I’ll be getting back to you.”

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