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Those Monthly Marriage Fees Will Getcha

| Seattle, WA, USA | Romantic | December 30, 2011

(My husband and I are joking about the cost of some of his supplies for college, including a new laptop.)

Me: “Man, honey! You are an expensive date!”

Husband: “No, I’m not an expensive date. In fact, I’m relatively cheap!”

Me: *sarcastically* “Oh, really?”

Husband: “Yeah! It’s just the upkeep that’s costly!”

For The Sake Of Demonstration

, | Georgia, USA | Right | December 29, 2011

(This gentleman has just ordered a vanilla cone. My coworker is standing at the window giving it out while I am beside her. He asks an odd question as he is handed his ice cream.)

Customer: “Do you believe in unicorns?”

Coworker: “What?“

Customer: “Doo-dee-doo-dee…”

(He takes the ice cream cone and smashes it onto the top of his head, I’m assuming as to resemble a unicorn horn, and then drives away.)

Me: “Oh, my.”

Coworker: “Did that really just happen?”

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Hard To Stomach, Tough, And Last Resort

| Franklin Park, PA, USA | Right | December 29, 2011

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’d like a mountain pig.”

Me: “I…uh…what? Sorry?”

Customer: “It was called a mountain pig.”

Me: “Uh, we…um, we don’t have anything called a mountain pig. Can you explain that to me?”

Customer: “I don’t know what it is! She said she wanted it.” *turns to friend* “What was it she wanted?”

Friend: “It was, oh, a uh, mountain pig. Yeah that was it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not sure what she meant by that.”

Friend: “It’s a mild coffee. Don’t you have that?!”

Me: “Oh, a Pike Place?”

Customer: “Yeah, that was it! A small one of those, please.”

Me: “Alright, and anything for you, miss?”

Friend: “Yeah, I’ll have two tall mountain pigs!”

Oh, Bother

| Illinois, USA | Right | December 29, 2011

(I am working the checkout on a very busy evening. Even though it is busy, I try to make small talk with the customers as we wait for their transactions to process. One lady comes up wearing a Winnie the Pooh jacket. As a Pooh fan myself, I compliment her on her jacket.)

Me: “I just love your jacket!”

Customer: “Thanks! I just wish they had Pooh.”

Me: “Huh?”

Customer: “When I bought this one, they were out of stock on Pooh.”

Me: “That one does have Pooh.”

Customer: *looks down at her jacket* “Well, darn. I forgot which one I was wearing!”

Nothing To Be Alarmed About

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | December 29, 2011

(This happens while I’m working security for my college. I am a volunteer assisting with the fire drills during morning classes. I run into one of the faculty members while checking the 4th floor of a building to make sure it has been evacuated.)

Faculty: *mouths something at me from the end of the hall*

(Note that the alarms are blaring and it is impossible to hear anything unless it is yelled.)

Me: *speaking at the top of my voice* “ Ma’am, you need to evacuate the building!”

Faculty: *takes a couple steps closer to me, still obviously trying to say something, but very quietly*

Me: “I’m sorry? I can’t hear you with the fire alarms going off!”

(The faculty member continues trying to speak to me from across the hall until I finally walk right next to her and let her talk right into my ear.)

Faculty: “Do those alarms mean that we have to leave?”

Me: “Yes.”

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