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Santa Will Not Be Pleased

| Bellevue, WA, USA | Right | December 31, 2011

(It’s three weeks until Christmas, and I’m ringing up a customer when her child speaks up.)

Child: “Mommy, when’s Christmas?”

Customer: “When you eat each and every one of the chocolates from the advent calendar, it’ll be Christmas.”

Child: “But I already ate all of the chocolate…”

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Sorry, You’re Toast

, | Evans, GA, USA | Right | December 31, 2011

Customer: “Does your kids’ chicken finger meal come with toast?”

(The little boy, about ten, looks horrified at the mention of toast.)

Me: “No, ma’am, it doesn’t.”

(The boy’s face immediately lights up with happiness.)

Customer: “Just add a piece of toast, then.”

Boy: “But mom, I don’t like toast!”

Customer: “You don’t know what you like.” *turns to me* “Add the toast.”

Boy: *looks like he’s about to cry*

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Underworld Overheard

| NY, USA | Related | December 31, 2011

(My sister is a die-hard fan of the movie series ‘Underworld’.)

Mom: “So, anyway, the news headline was–”

(A TV spot for the new Underworld movie comes on for the first time.)

Sister: “Aaaaagh!”

(My parents both jump. My dad clutches his heart, my mom covers her hearing aid.)

Dad: “Wh-wha-what’s going on?! Why’s she screaming?!”

Mom: “I don’t…” *looks at TV* “Oh, for the love of God!”

(My sister continues screaming.)

Mom: “Ow! My hearing aid.”

(The commercial ends.)

Sister: *sighs happily* “Well, that made my day. Oh, yeah, so what were you saying, mom?”

Some Guys Have No Scents

| CA, USA | Romantic | December 31, 2011

(My boyfriend is very smell-sensitive. I’m showing him the new lotion scent I bought.)

Me: “What do you think?”

Boyfriend: “No. Reminds me of an old girlfriend.”

Me: “Oh, okay. I just won’t wear it around you then.”

Boyfriend: “That’s alright, it’s like having two girls at once!”

Who Needs Resolutions When You Have Resolve

, | Oxford, UK | Romantic | December 31, 2011

(Note: This takes place on New Year’s Eve. I am a young woman with pillar box red hair. The male cashier at the music store speaks to his coworker, but loud enough for everyone to hear).

Cashier: “You can go to the other till. I want to serve this beautiful young lady with the awesome hair. What can I do for you, madam?”

Me: “Uhm, just this, please.”

Cashier: “And will you be going out in [local road] tonight so I can celebrate with you?”

Me: “Sorry, I’m not local.”

Cashier: “Well, I hope you know, you’ve just ruined the whole of this year for me. And the next one. ”

(I giggle and go to leave, blushing.)

Cashier: *calling across the shop* “I HOPE THAT MAKES YOU FEEL GUILTY ENOUGH TO COME BACK AND GIVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER!”

(The whole shop cracks up. I didn’t go back, but if I hadn’t been attached it might have worked!)

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