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Mothers Hate Toilet Humor

| New York, USA | Related | December 28, 2011

(My dad purchases a new plunger, and is in the bathroom telling my mom how to use it.)

Dad: *sarcastically* “You know, for the new plunger, you have to pull the handle out before you can use it.”

Mom: “I know how to use a plunger.”

Sister: “Are you sure? You know you’ve got to put it in the toilet, right? And then push.”

Me: “And then pull.”

Sister: “And then push.”

Me: “And then pull.”

Sister: “And then push.”

Me: “And then pull.”

Sister: “And then you’ve got to take it out of the toilet before you sit down.”

(Dad starts cracking up.)

Mom: “I hate all of you.”

Sharing The Caring: A National Service

| Johnson City, TN, USA | Romantic | December 28, 2011

(I am at the airport arrival gate. My husband was coming home from serving 9 months in Iraq as a Marine. I am holding a sign saying, ‘Welcome home love!’ There is a teenager at the arrival gate next to mine, with a sign that says ‘Stacy, I think you are really cool. Will you go to prom with me?’. My husband’s flight gets in earlier than the kid’s flight. I greet and kiss my husband, and he notices the teenager and walks over to him.)

Husband: “Way to go, brother. This is the way to a person’s heart. Being there for them and showing you care. Good luck.”

Teenager: “Thank you, sir. I’m really nervous she will say no. Also, thank you for your service.”

(They shake hands and we leave. About 3 years after that, my husband and I are reading the Sunday newspaper. We see a wedding announcement, and a picture of that teenager. He is in marine dress blues, next to his new wife, Stacy.)

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One Ring To Forget Them All, And In The Dark Bedroom Remind Them

| Williamsport, PA, USA | Romantic | December 28, 2011

(My fiancée is in the habit of taking off her engagement ring when she does the dishes. She’s also in the habit of forgetting to put it back on. I’m in the kitchen grabbing a drink, and I see the ring on the counter. Once I’m in the bedroom, where she’s studying, I crawl onto the bed with the ring in hand.)

Me: “Will you marry me…again?”

Fiancée: *upset that she forgot the ring* “Oh, crap!”

Me: “Not the answer I was looking for.”

How To Make Pillows Uncomfortable

| MO, USA | Romantic | December 28, 2011

(My boyfriend likes to say sweet things to me by turning around something that I say. For example, if I say ‘that’s a cute kitten!’, he says, ‘you’re kinda cute’. If I say, ‘the weather is gorgeous!’, he says, ‘you’re gorgeous!’.”)

Me: *picking up a pillow* “Oh! These pillows are so plush!”

Boyfriend: “You’re kinda plush.”

(I stare at my boyfriend, as a remarkable look of horror creeps over his face.)

Boyfriend: “Oh, crap!”

(I bust up laughing.)

When The Unforgettable Meets The Incorrigible

, | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Right | December 27, 2011

(I have just started working at popular women’s lingerie store and still don’t really know all of the bras that we sell.)

Customer: “I am looking for a bra. I don’t know the name of it, but I know what it looks like.”

Me: “Well, if you can tell me about it, I can help you find it.”

Customer: “I think it’s called the Unstoppable.”

Me: “Oh, that’s the Unforgettable.”

Customer: “No, no, that’s not it.”

Me: “Well, would you like me to show you the bra I have in mind?”

Customer: “No, thank you! You have been no help at all and if I see a manager, I’m going to talk to her.”

(The customer walks off and then comes back holding the Unforgettable bra.)

Customer: “I found it! It was the Unforgettable, just like I told you!”

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