(As I’m sitting at my desk talking to a coworker, her phone rings.)
Coworker: “Shh! Be quiet; the phone is ringing!”
(My coworker then lets it ring until it stops.)
Me: “Why did you ask me to be quiet if you weren’t going to answer it?”
Coworker: “I didn’t want them to know I was here.”
(Two coworkers and I are talking about the latest wave of colds coming around. Coworker #1 has a very stuffed up nose.)
Coworker #1: “I can’t even breathe through my nose, I’m so stuffed up.”
Coworker #2: “But you can still breathe, right?”
Me: “No, [Coworker #1]’s a zombie right now.”
(I work in an area very well-known for our inclement weather. A blizzard has just hit our region, and the county has declared a state of emergency. Many of the surrounding towns have issued driving bans. I am able to get to work early, but due to the restrictions and weather, many of my coworkers are not.)
Me: “Thank you for calling [Fitness Center]. This is [My Name]. How may I direct your call?”
Caller: “Is [Operations Manager] there?”
Me: “No, I’m sorry. She isn’t here today.”
Caller: “Is [General Manager] there?”
Me: “No, I’m sorry. He isn’t here, either.”
Caller: “This is [Coworker]. Why is nobody there today?”
Me: “Because of the driving ban? It is illegal for them to drive here right now.”
Caller: “Oh… that’s why I’m calling. There is a driving ban and I don’t think I can drive to work tonight.”
Me: “…”
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(It’s early afternoon, and loads of children are around with their families. A rap song starts, with REALLY clear lyrics about explicit and hardcore sex.)
Me: “Are you serious? With children around?”
DJ: *confusion*
Me: “This song is about sex. F*****g! Serious f*****g! Naked people. Marriage stuff!”
DJ: “Oh!”
(He quickly puts on Cher!)
(I not only have an IT-related degree, but am considered very tech savvy by my colleagues.)
Me: “[Hotel]. How can I help?”
Customer: “Yeah, I asked for a fax to be sent to me. I have received it but some of the details are missing.”
(The fax is timesheets for agency workers and the employees have not filled in all the details.)
Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. If you could fax that back to me I’ll get it completed.”
Customer: “Uh, fax it back?”
Me: “Yes, please. The fax is now with you so I need them back for the rest of the details.”
(There is a pause and I slowly realise what I have said.)
Me: “Er, I’m sorry; it’s been a long day. I’ll get those to you as soon as I can.”
Customer: *laughs uncontrollably*
