We are currently 6 months in to the pandemic, and I had to cancel my one vacation of the year over it. So I am mildly salty about what happens next.

First of all, I love my husband’s family but they all lack basic common sense and are gullible. All of them. So when a certain leader of the free world says the pandemic is over, they believe him without question despite evidence to the contrary.

My SIL and BIL decide it is a beautiful idea to go to the cesspool known as Los Vegas as they are currently experiencing an outbreak. They invite my husband to go along, to which I tell him I won’t feel comfortable and will quarantine him when he gets home, but can go if he really wants to. He decides to be the beacon of reason and not go upon seeing the numbers and itenary – lots of closed crowded place. They go anyway and have fun, but a month after coming back is when this all comes to head.

SIL: Hey [My name] have you ever been to Vegas?

Me: Yes?

(For the record it is a 4 hour drive away. Not something across the country so most people in my town go there when they turn twenty-one.)

SIL: *confused how to take it but determined* Oh well, it is really fun!

Me: *pauses waiting for there to be a point* OK?

SIL: There is lots to do there. Like gambling.

Me: …. OK?

SIL: I thought you might like to gamble…

Me: *trying to be polite* Sorry. I don’t.

Cue telling me all the (crowded) places they went to with BIL chiming in. It becomes apparent they think I am being a snob because of my cancelled trip’s destination, and the reason their brother didn’t go with them.

SIL: *concludes* We are going in February if you want to come with?

Me: If [Husband] wants to go he is welcome to go, but I am not going anywhere until this pandemic is over.

SIL: *geninuely confused* What do you mean? Its next year.

Me: The pandemic will last at least until mid-next year, probably longer?

SIL: Oh I didn’t know that.

Me: *internal scream*

I then had to spend the next 30 minutes explaining in basic terms that a child would understand to two thirty-something about pandemics and herd immunity. I am all for people deciding their own comfort level but they need to be informed on the risks. And they need to do their research on scientific sites. Not political.

I work tech support for a large internet provider, but I used to work for a few different providers. One day I get a customer on the phone whose customer data doesn’t immediately pop up. In such cases I have a trick; I check who their landline is registered to, and often I find they confused providers.

Me: Could you … I proceed to talk the customer through the steps to fix their issue.

Customer: It works! Thank you!

Meanwhile I know their actual provider.

Me: My pleasure, now let me transfer you to your provider.

The funny part? At first I wasn’t even aware I had just auto-piloted through procedures for my old employer’s tech.

An old woman comes through my register. I scan through all of her groceries as per normal, and everything is going fine, until she goes to pay. Unfortunately, her usual card isn’t working properly for some reason, but she has a few other cards she can try.

She tries her first card. It seems to be working until she has to enter her pin. She’s forgotten her pin. I cancel and she tries the next card. She’s forgotten the pin for that one too. She tries her final card. You guessed it, she’s forgotten the pin for that one as well.

She’s clearly very stressed about it. Not knowing what else to do, I agree to save her transaction until she can work out an alternative way to pay. I serve a few more customers until eventually she comes back to tell me that her daughter is on the way.

The daughter eventually arrives, and after doing her own shopping, comes up to my register and tells me she’s come to pay on her mum’s behalf. By now it’s been about half an hour. I set up the transaction and she goes to pay by card. At first it all seems fine, until she has to enter her pin. She’s forgotten her pin too.

I have just admitted on a confessions app that I am bisexual. Most of the responses are supportive, but this I get this gem:

Responder: So, you’re gay.

Me: Bisexual is not the same thing as gay.

Responder: Yes, it is.

Me: No, it’s not.

Responder: My sister’s gay. I know.

Me: If that’s not the most conceited thing I’ve ever read, I don’t know what is.

My husband was extremely tired and a little depressed. I sat down to soothe him, then said, “I know just what you need – pizza and sex.”

He grinned and began kissing me. A little later, he put on a sexy voice, stroked my face, and said, “Guess what I’m thinking about?”

“Um . . . Sex?”

He laughed. “No. Pizza!”