It is 2000, and my mom and I are avid gamers. We have an old Super Nintendo that still works, along with a Super Gameboy adapter for it. My mom is using this to play Pokemon Gold–which had been released earlier that month–on the TV. On this particular day, my cousin happens to be visiting, and has not been paying attention to her play. When a trainer sends out a rare pokemon in the game, it catches my cousin’s attention, but she is under the impression that this is instead a random encounter:

Cousin: Ooh! Catch it!

My mom: I can’t.

Cousin: Why, are you out of pokeballs?

My mom: Yeah, I’ve got balls–

She stops mid-sentence, and we all laugh–her because she realizes what she just said, and my cousin and I because we can’t believe she said it.

(I got a job as a cashier at a dealership. I only handle the cash, nothing else. If they order a part, get service done, or buy a car, the customer will start off in another department before coming to me. I’ve been trained on most transactions, except returns because no one has returned anything when I’m working. It’s almost a week and a half before I get the chance to do a return. It should be noted that my uniform has not arrived yet, so I am wearing a polo that’s a different color from the dealership color.
A woman approaches the cashier counter.)
Customer (rudely) I need to cancel an order for a part. I don’t need it anymore.
Me: You’ll have to go to the parts counter.
(While she’s at the parts counter, I grab a coworker to help. By the time the woman is back at my counter, we are waiting for her.)
Coworker: Do you have your original receipt and the copy they gave you just now?
(The woman hands my coworker the papers, glaring at us.)
Coworker: Okay, so on the card reader, you’re going to hit “other,” then “refund.” And make sure it’s the same card they paid with. (to customer) Do you have the card you paid with?
Customer (Yelling): I know I need the same card! I went to college! I’m not an idiot! You don’t need to keep telling me I need the same card! I know I need the same card!
Coworker: Ma’am, I’m training her.
Customer: I don’t f——g care!
(My coworker just rolled her eyes and finished showing me how to do a return. The woman glared at us until we were done.)

I work in a pet store. a customer came in looking for a spray bottle
me: “hi, how can i help you?”
customer: “we’re looking for a spray bottle for plants”
i lead them to the reptile aisle where we keep empty spray bottles
customer: “nono. to keep our dog from eating the plants”
me: ”oh haha so sorry about that”
i lead them to plant protectors and anti-chewing sprays. we had a laugh

(I work at a little league baseball Concession stand. Two kids, no more than eight years old, come up to the window.)

Kid 1: How much is an ice pop?
Me: 50¢.
Kid 2: Can we get one ice pop?
Me: Sure!
(They pay and get their ice pop before walking away. I had forgotten about them when they came back with the ice pop.)
Kid 1: can we return this?
Me: I’m sorry, we aren’t allowed to bring anything back into the window, especially when it’s already been opened. Was there something wrong with it?
Kid 2: no, but we didn’t want an ice pop.
Me: oh, did I-
Kid 1: yeah, my daddy said to get a Dr. Pepper but I thought he said ice pop!
(Still don’t know how ‘ice pop’ sounds like ‘Dr. Pepper’…)

My mother in law has never really been the nicest of people, so it’s surprising that she seemed to have taken a liking to one of my cousins. This cousin was born with minor deformities resulting from the umbilical cord being wrapped tightly around her hands in the womb resulting in the loss of half of her fingers. MIL had met my cousin at one of our family functions and asked me about her often, she seemed especially happy when my cousin married, especially after she had a couple of broken relationships, one had been an engagement that she broke off after her fiance refused to buy a ring “because it wouldn’t look good on her ugly hands”.

MIL “How is (cousin) going with her marriage? It’s been about a year hasn’t it?”

Me “Yes, she’s very happy, she told me she was pregnant last week”

MIL *Angry Grunt “Some people should never be allowed to have babies”

Me …?

And with that, she never again asked how my cousin was going. For the record, my cousin has since had three perfect babies.