(At the company I work for, we get emails sent out at the end of each day letting us know about coworkers who have gotten engaged, resigned, promoted, etc. We also have a mentoring program for our first year, and many of us keep in touch with our mentors after the year ends.)
Coworker: *after receiving an email about her mentor giving birth* Oh! I didn’t know she was pregnant!
Me: I mean… she’s not anymore!
(My coworker is calling a patient to go over preparation instructions for their colonoscopy. This involves listing foods they must avoid and foods they can eat on the required clear liquid diet before the procedure. She’s speaking with a non-native English speaker.)
Coworker #1: “You can have jello, clear broth, popsicles…*pause, then a funny look* ‘What’s popsicles?'”
(My other coworker starts cracking up at the look on her face.)
Coworker #1: *at a loss for words* “Uh…it’s…frozen ice!”
(Coworker #2 just about falls off her chair. We all tease her about ‘frozen ice’ for the rest of the day.)
A coworker of mine is British and recently moved to Canada a few months ago. She just got back from a recent trip to England.
Coworker: Man driving to work was hard today. I kept on going to the other side of the road.
Me: Oh my god, you did not? That’s so bad!
Coworker: I got pulled over by a bobby for suspected drunk driving, which I obviously passed, but he let me off with a warning.
Coworker: *joking* Oh wow! I mean we have the same spelling as you guys and the same queen but driving on the same side of the road? I think you’re nit picking now.
Our work roster is over 2 weeks, I only work 5 days over that time so have several days off in a row. I also only work with my manager one day a fortnight. He also insists that we only work in specific departments and holds us accountable for the state of the department. I always get in early for my afternoon shift so I can have lunch first. Manager comes past as I am eating.
Manager “(My name) what are you doing out here eating? (Department) is a mess, I am fed up with telling you to keep it tidy”
Me “I tidied it on Friday and I haven’t even started my shift yet”
Manager “It’s now THURSDAY, you are supposed to tidy it EVERY DAY. You are also supposed to get rid of the empty boxes when you put stock out. I’m sick and tired of you not doing your work”
Me “What? Am I supposed to come in on my days off?”
Manager “What are you talking about?”
Me “I haven’t been here since Friday”
Manager “Well someone left a mess over there, just get out there and tidy it up. I don’t want customers tripping over things.”
When I get to the department I see packaging and torn empty cartons scattered over tables of stock. There’s a whole new range of stock that has been set up but the older stock has been thrown onto the floor and left. I am pretty livid and head down to the front of the store to sign in.
Coworker “Hi (My name), ooh you don’t look happy, what’s wrong?”
Me “Someone’s destroyed (dept) and I’ve just gotten into trouble for it”.
Coworker “But you left it perfect on Friday, let’s go and take a look it can’t be that bad”
Me “I know, and it is that bad. I just wish I could throttle the person who did it”
Coworker *jaw drops as she sees the mess “I hate to tell you this but (Manager) is the only person who works in this section when you aren’t here”
Me “I know, I have to clean his mess every time I have a shift and I get into trouble every second Thursday for leaving the mess, nothing I say makes a difference.”
I’m a set host on a photo set in a mall. This was during Easter for picture with the bunny.
Me: You’re total is $24.59.
Customer pays, “Thank you!”
Me: Thank you for visiting. Have a nice evening. Happy Birthday!
Customer pauses for a moment.
Me, laughing: Happy Easter! Sorry about that.
Customer, laughing: I knew what you meant but I had to stop and think if it was someone’s birthday! Thanks again, happy Easter!
