(We has a promotion, you could get a 20% discount if you bought 2 12-pack paper towel rolls with an additional $20 purchase. A customer buys a pack which comes out to about $11)
Customer: where’s my 20% off?
Me: You need another packs and additional $20 to get it
Customer: no it doesn’t! It says 20% off
Me: yes, but you need to buy 2 packs and and by $20 worth of items to get it
Customer: fine! For f**** sake
(Customer angrily storms off and leaves his son, clearly mortified. My supervisor then walks over)
Customers son: hey guys I’m REALLY sorry about this
(Customer comes back with another pack)
Customer: ok now try
(Bill comes to about $22)
Customer: now where’s the discount?
Supervisor: sir you need additional $20
Customer: i bought two packs, and it’s over $20. What’s the problem?
Supervisor: sir it’s an ADDITIONAL $20
Customer oh f*** off
(Customer storms out of the stir and leave everything behind)
Customers son: again, I’m REALLY sorry

This is really my mother’s story. Reading “clicked” for me the summer between kindergarten and first grade, and she tells me that I went from picture books to easy chapter books in practically a week. I read through all of the learning-to-read books in the house and became obsessed with a chapter book series to the point where I could actually give the author’s full name, something I hadn’t yet been able to do, and say which books were my favorite. In short, I am a pint-sized bookworm.

After my first day of first grade, I’m frustrated and nearly in tears when she picks me up from school. When she asks what’s wrong, she manages to figure out that I’m upset because when my teacher took my class to the library, she wouldn’t let me check out a chapter book, and instead steered me towards the picture books that all the other first-graders were picking from, even though I kept asking her why I couldn’t read the chapter book instead.

My mother comforts me while swallowing laughter and promises me that I can read at home. The teacher quickly figured out that this very tiny first-grader could actually handle some of the harder stuff and she had to tell me that no, I could not bring my book outside for recess. I am a book-lover to this day, and am now glad to be able to read books at any difficulty I like.

(I grew up reading books as fast as my parents could supply them. As a consequence, I ended up knowing a lot of somewhat uncommon words and end up using them in conversation without a second thought, only to cause confusion with whoever I’m talking to before I apologize and tell them what the word means. My father, who has never been very bookish, is telling me about something that happened at his job, but has to stop partway through to do something. This happens when he comes back.)

Dad: “Sorry about that.”

Me: “It’s fine. Continue with the anecdote.”

Dad: “The what?”

Me: “Anecdote . . . ? Like a personal story? Usually a funny one?”

Dad: “I have never heard that word before.”

Me: “Really?”

Dad: “Nope.”

Me: “You’ve really never heard the word anecdote before?”

Dad: “Listen, if I said that at the office, I would be laughed right out of the building.”

(I like to think that I’ve taught him a couple more difficult words since then, but he hasn’t been laughed out of the office yet.)

(We are driving home in the car, and pass by a pond covered in geese.)
Me: “Why are there so many geese?”
Mom: “Because someone hasn’t come around and SHOT them all!”

One night 3 friends and I decided to stop at a diner to grab some food. We had been laughing A LOT and didn’t notice the waitress smoking near our parking spot…

Friend 1: Pushed friend 2 in joking matter.

Friend 2: You b*^#*h, I almost fell!

We continue to walk towards the door and the waitress steps out and stops in front of us.

Waitress: Have y’all seen a dog?

All 4 of us start looking around, thinking it went under a car or something.

Me: No ma’am, we haven’t I’m sorry… did your dog ge…

Waitress: Oh, because I THOUGHT I JUST HEARD YOU CALL ME THE B WORD!!

Me: Hmm, no… we wouldn’t do that but excuse us, have a good night!

We walked inside the diner and watched her watch us from outside. We were eventually seated and everything seemed normal… until she walked into the diner and sat in the booth behind us.

Waitress: I should be taking orders but I wanna hear what you have to say about me now!

We stayed quiet and looked over our menus and she started stretching, and eventually yanked my friends hair. Then she got up and waited her tables. We were getting kind of scared but still ignored it.

During our meal two of us decided to use the ladies room, as we were walking in we see the waitress running towards the restroom and closes the door behind her.

Waitress: *SCREAMING* Y’all shouldn’t have called me the B word!!!!!!!!!

We ran out and let management know…
Apparently she was drunk… and irate. We paid and never went back to that diner… although now, it’s kind of a funny story to tell!