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Survey Says… You’re An Idiot

, , , | Right | March 1, 2022

Client: “Can you make the site so that it doesn’t show any products until someone has completed a survey? We want to gain valuable feedback from them first.”

Me: “So, let me get this straight. You don’t want to sell products to someone until you can collect valuable marketing data that helps you to sell products to people?”

Client: “Yes.”

Are They Printed On Dollar Bills?

, , , | Right | February 28, 2022

Me: “You said earlier you wanted me to build your business website?”

Client: “Yes, I still want to do the same.”

Me: “What’s your budget?”

Client: “I have 500 business cards with me. Are you interested?”

And What Am I “Winning” Exactly?

, , , | Right | February 25, 2022

Client: “We like your proposal and enthusiasm, but we really can’t afford you. How much would you charge to rent out your computer?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Client: “Our sales manager is pretty creative. We could just have him come to your office on a Saturday or something and knock this thing out.”

Me: “You don’t want to hire me, but instead want to… rent… my computer?”

Client: “Yeah. And you could be there. You know, to give him some tips if he gets stuck. Maybe toss in a creative idea or two. In fact, we’ll do all of the work and still use your creative ideas. It’s a win-win!”

Honestly, We’d Probably Ghost You Out Of Shame

, , , , , | Right | February 24, 2022

I got this text from one of my clients at about 11:00 pm on a Thursday night.

Client: “My a**e hurts.”

I deliberated for hours about whether I should text back or not, knowing that the client would realize at some point that he had accidentally sent such a personal text to his web designer. In the end, I chose to ignore it. We haven’t spoken since.

Leave Our Toes Out Of This

, , , | Right | February 22, 2022

Client: “I don’t want to use non-moving buttons on the website for navigation. Buttons are going the way of the dinosaur.”

Me: “What would you like me to use?”

Client: “A looping movie where the customer has to click on the fast-moving objects to navigate through the site. It will keep them on their toes.”

Me: “…”