Better Ask The Halibut First
Customer: “I’d like the halibut. Is there any way you can make that vegan?”
Me: “Other than by making it not be a fish, no.”
Customer: “Good point.”
Touché
(Our bar has been reserved for a private party. Signs are up all over the place, on fluorescent pink paper, including on the front door, right at eye level. A customer approaches the bar.)
Me: “Hi… I’m sorry, but the bar’s closed to the public tonight as there’s a private function taking place.”
Customer: “Well, I didn’t see the sign on the door!”
Me: “So… how do you know it’s there?”
Customer: “…”
Totally Loopy, Thru-And-Thru
(My store has a drive-thru menu board before the actual board where customers order. It only has pictures on it, no electronics of any sort.)
Me: “How can I help you?”
Customer: “I already gave my order to the first guy and he told me to pull up to the second board.”
Me: “That’s not possible, ma’am. There’s no one who could take your order at that first board. Can I take your order?”
Customer: “I already told you I gave my order to the first guy. He knows it. Ask him.”
Me: “Could you repeat it for me?”
Customer: “NO! I’m driving up now.”
(The customer drives up and I finally get her to repeat her order, which turns out to be a lot of food. I ask her to pull to the front door, which is literally twenty feet from the drive-thru window. Instead, she drives out of the drive-thru lane, drives around the entire store, and comes back in the drive-thru lane. She pulls up and looks at me again.)
Customer: “I told the guy at the first board that I was parked and he told me to pull right up. I hope you are nice because the last girl was really rude to me.”
Me: “…”
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Too Bad They Don’t Sell Brains Too
(I’m shopping in the dollar store, fully clothed in my Taco Bell uniform. I even have the hat on, too.)
Customer: “Excuse me, sir, do you work here?”
Me: “Does it LOOK like I work here?”
Customer: “Yes?”
Me: “No.”
Customer: “Oh… well, do you know how much this is?”
Me: “It’s a dollar.”
Customer: “How did you know that if you didn’t work here?”
Me: “Lady, do you have ANY idea where you are right now? You are in a dollar store. Do you know what that means?”
Customer: “That’s impossible.”
Me: “…what?”
Customer: “This store doesn’t sell dollars.”
(At this point I didn’t know whether I should slap her or retreat and laugh till I puked.)
Customer Knows Best
(We are running a little sale that offers the customer 20% off on regular priced item.)
Customer: “So, can I use the sale coupon on sale items?”
Me: “Unfortunately, the coupon is only good on regularly priced items.”
Customer: “What about sale items?”
Me: “It can only be used on regularly priced items.”
Customer: “But the shoes were $109, and now they are $79.”
Me: “We can only use it on regularly priced items.”
Customer: “But it’s marked down!”
Me: *losing patience, but still with a smile* “I’m sorry, but again we can only use it on regularly priced items.”
Customer: “Well, then make my shoes regular priced and give me my 20%!”
Me: “Sure, I’d be happy to. You grand total comes to $87.20.”
Customer: “Finally! I swear, all you people try to do is swindle us out of buying sale items with that regular priced coupon. But I see through what you’re trying to do.”
Me: “Yes. I’ll do everything I can to give you the best deal you want.”