Pizza By Elimination

, | USA | Right | March 14, 2017

(A customer is calling in a to-go order over the phone.)

Customer: “I’ll have a large pepperoni, mushroom, and olive pizza but my wife doesn’t like mushrooms or olives.”

Me: “So… a large pepperoni pizza?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Their Comprehension Is Limited

| MI, USA | Right | February 20, 2017

(I’m a manager of a small pizzeria. Our coupons do not have expiration dates, but do specify “for a limited time only; all prices subject to change without notice.”)

Customer #1: “I got this coupon for $11.99.”

Me: “I’m sorry, that offer has expired. The combo is now $12.99, so it will just be a dollar more.”

Customer #2: *evidently grabs phone from [Customer #1]* “HEY! You gotta accept this coupon because there’s no expiration date on it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, that was for a limited time. We no longer have that offer. It’s now $12.99.”

Customer #2: “Nope, it doesn’t have an expiration date! All it says is, “limited time offer; prices subject to change without notice.” SEE, it doesn’t have a date on it! So you gotta take it.”

(After this goes on a couple of more rounds, she angrily accepted it, and let me know she’ll be contacting the owner.)

Turning A Medium Complaint Into A Large Problem

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | Working | February 10, 2017

(I order a pizza when my nephews are visiting me. They range in age from three to five. I order a large pepperoni. After an almost two hour wait, it arrives, but it has been squashed into the side of the box and looks almost like a medium put in a large box. I call the restaurant.)

Restaurant Manager: “Oh, really? So we just happened to put a medium in a large box for you, is that right?”

Me: “I think so… that’s what it looks like.”

Restaurant Manager: *very condescending* “Well, I’ll tell you what; we’ll send someone to get the pizza, we’ll bring it back, break out the tape measure, and see who’s right. If it was a medium then we’ll get you a large sent out.”

Me: *thinking about the original two-hour wait* “Look, it’s almost nine pm, I have a bunch of hungry kids here who aren’t going to wait for that, and that I need to get to bed. I can make a medium work but I don’t want to be charged for a large. If you have a delivery person in the area can they come by and look at it?”

Restaurant Manager: “Oh, no, ma’am… I want you to get exactly what you deserve; I’ll send someone out just as soon as we have someone available.”

Me: “I’m not really sure why you’re talking to me like you are but this really is turning out to be more trouble than the $6 extra I paid.”

Restaurant Manager: “I thought you’d see it my way… Have a great night.”

(Keep in mind he had my account up the entire time, could see that I’ve had an account there for years and this was the first time I’d ever called with a complaint. I emailed the district manager about what happened and she called, apologized, and put a credit for two pizzas on my account. Even so, I couldn’t bring myself to order from there again, even with the free pizzas available. )

A Deliveryman AND A Lobbyist

| Madison, WI, USA | Right | February 1, 2017

(There are several nice dorm-style residences nearby that don’t allow delivery drivers to go directly to the rooms. We don’t mind, because not having our drivers go up and down 10 stories saves us a little bit of time on deliveries. The phone rings.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Pizza Shop]; what can I do for you today?”

Caller: “Yes, can you explain why someone just called me from a number I don’t recognize, and said that he’d wait for me in the lobby?! What do I do?”

Me: “Oh, no, maybe he got the wrong phone number. I’m sorry, it must be very creepy to have someone call you out of the blue and say they’ll meet you in the lobby when you didn’t even order pizza! Thanks for letting me know.”

Caller: “What? No, I ordered pizza!”

Me: “Oh, I misunderstood.”

Caller: “I guess so. What do I do? Why’s my pizza taking so long?”

Me: “The person who called you and said they’d meet you in the lobby… Did they say that they were calling from [Pizza Shop]?”

Caller: “Yes! It was so weird! I don’t know what to do!”

Me: “Well, I think that was our delivery driver. He uses his cell phone to call people, so it won’t show up as being this same number. I think you should probably go down to the lobby, since it sounds like he’s waiting for you with your pizza.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. It’s so confusing.”

Ebola, E-Coli, And Strep, Oh My

| Canada | Right | January 17, 2017

(A customer orders a vegetarian pizza and he insists that we put quadruple cheese on it.)

Me: “Well, I would not recommend that, sir, since the dough won’t cook properly if we do.”

Customer: “I don’t care; it’s what I want!”

Me: “Okay, then…”

(I make the pizza the way he wants it and he takes it home. About a half hour later the guy calls back demanding to talk to the manager.)

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but we close soon and the manager will not be in until tomorrow. Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “Your pizza made us all sick! We took one bite and now we all have salmonella! I want my money back!”

Me: “Umm… sir, salmonella is caused by meat or raw eggs… and you got a vegetarian pizza. Also it would probably take longer than the time you had to eat it to get sick.”

Customer: “Fine! We got… streptococcus!”

Me: “We gave you strep throat… with a pizza?” *I think he meant staphylococcus*

Customer: “No, no… it’s… I know what it is… it’s Ebola!”

Me: *at this point I am trying not to crack up* “So… you have a hemorrhagic fever? I would highly recommend you going to the doctor and not bother to call us, sir. But I think you mean E coli… and that comes from under-cooked meat or contaminated food… and it takes about two to three days to show symptoms… Now, if you are talking about the under-cooked dough, I warned you about that, but the worst you could get from that is maybe a little indigestion.”

Customer: “How do you know about all those diseases?!”

Me: “It was a slow night last night and I read one of our food prep guides, and it had a section on food poisoning and how to avoid it… Now, is there anything else I can help you with, sir?”

(By this point I am putting on my sweet-as-pie voice.)

Customer: *long pause and then a sheepish voice* “No… thank you. Have a good night.” *hangs up*

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