Needs Some Gorilla Cheese

, , , , | Right | April 3, 2018

(I work at a popular pizza and arcade place. A customer and presumably his girlfriend come to the register to place an order.)

Me: “Welcome to [Pizza Place]. What can I get for you today?”

Man: “What do y’all sell here?”

Me: “Pizza.”

Man: “Oh. Y’all got chicken?”

Me: “We have chicken wings, and slices of chicken you can put on your pizza.”

Man: “But you don’t got no, like, fried chicken?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Man: “Oh. Y’all got waiters?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Man: “Well, how’s the food get to us?”

Me: “I’ll give you this buzzer, and when it lights up and vibrates you can pick your food up over there.”

(I point at a counter where several other people are picking up their pizza.)

Woman: *seeming a little impatient* “Okay, how about a medium pizza, and some breadsticks.”

Man: “Man, I ain’t eatin’ no breadsticks. I need more than that; I’m like a gorilla.”

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 13

, , , , | Right | March 30, 2018

(I’m a customer waiting for my order when I hear the manager talking to an angry customer over the phone.)

Manager: “So, you ordered chilli paste on your pizza and you’re allergic to chillies?”

Related:
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 12
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 11
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 10

Not A Very Meaty Proposition

, , , | Right | March 26, 2018

(I’m waiting for my cashier friend to complete his shift at a popular pizza takeaway. The menu contains a pizza with four meats on it: bacon, beef, ham, and chicken.)

Customer: “Hi. Can I get a [Meat Pizza], please?”

Cashier: “Sure. Small, medium, or large?”

Customer: “Large, but can you remove the chicken, ham, bacon, and beef?”

Cashier: “So, you want a [Meat Pizza] with no meat?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Cashier: “Why don’t you order the margherita?”

Customer: “No, I want the [Meat Pizza] with no meat.”

Cashier: *utterly confused and now looking at me for answers*

Me: *blank stare*

Cashier: “But if I remove all the meat, it will be a margherita.”

Customer: “No, I want [Meat Pizza] with no meat.”

Cashier: “Okay.”

(My friend charges the customer for the [Meat Pizza] — which is $9, while the margherita is $3 — then asks the staff to make a margherita and hands it to the customer when it is ready. The customer opens the box and looks at the pizza.)

Customer: “Thank you.”

Me: “…”

Cashier: “…”

The Origin Of Free Pizza

, , , , | Right | March 22, 2018

(There is a football match, called the State of Origin, between two of the Australian states — Queensland and New South Wales. It is taken quite seriously. I work in a pizza shop in New South Wales, but I am a Queenslander born. The customer in this story has come in later on in game time, ordered his pizza, and paid. After I have made his pizza and put it in the oven, he begins talking to me.)

Customer: “Do you know the score for the game?”

Me: “No. Sorry, mate, we don’t have a television here. Besides the fact that I volunteered to work this evening because I don’t watch football, I would be cheering for Queensland if I was watching.”

(He stares at me.)

Customer: “I don’t want a pizza made by a Queenslander.”

(He walked away. He never came back, and I got free dinner.)

A Hot Slice Of Kindness, Part 5

, , , , | Right | March 11, 2018

(I am at the end of a long Saturday pizza delivery shift. I ring the doorbell at one home, and a man comes to the door, yelling to his family:)

Customer: “Pizza’s here!”

(A little girl, maybe three years old, joins her dad at the door. When she sees me, her eyes grow wide, and she says:)

Girl: “I love the pizza man!”

(She then hugs my right leg with all her might. That little sweetie made my whole week!)

Related:
A Hot Slice Of Kindness, Part 4
A Hot Slice Of Kindness, Part 3
A Hot Slice Of Kindness, Part 2

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