Needs Some Gorilla Cheese

, , , , | Right | April 3, 2018

(I work at a popular pizza and arcade place. A customer and presumably his girlfriend come to the register to place an order.)

Me: “Welcome to [Pizza Place]. What can I get for you today?”

Man: “What do y’all sell here?”

Me: “Pizza.”

Man: “Oh. Y’all got chicken?”

Me: “We have chicken wings, and slices of chicken you can put on your pizza.”

Man: “But you don’t got no, like, fried chicken?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Man: “Oh. Y’all got waiters?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Man: “Well, how’s the food get to us?”

Me: “I’ll give you this buzzer, and when it lights up and vibrates you can pick your food up over there.”

(I point at a counter where several other people are picking up their pizza.)

Woman: *seeming a little impatient* “Okay, how about a medium pizza, and some breadsticks.”

Man: “Man, I ain’t eatin’ no breadsticks. I need more than that; I’m like a gorilla.”

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 13

, , , , | Right | March 30, 2018

(I’m a customer waiting for my order when I hear the manager talking to an angry customer over the phone.)

Manager: “So, you ordered chilli paste on your pizza and you’re allergic to chillies?”

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 12
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 11
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 10

Not A Very Meaty Proposition

, , , | Right | March 26, 2018

(I’m waiting for my cashier friend to complete his shift at a popular pizza takeaway. The menu contains a pizza with four meats on it: bacon, beef, ham, and chicken.)

Customer: “Hi. Can I get a [Meat Pizza], please?”

Cashier: “Sure. Small, medium, or large?”

Customer: “Large, but can you remove the chicken, ham, bacon, and beef?”

Cashier: “So, you want a [Meat Pizza] with no meat?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Cashier: “Why don’t you order the margherita?”

Customer: “No, I want the [Meat Pizza] with no meat.”

Cashier: *utterly confused and now looking at me for answers*

Me: *blank stare*

Cashier: “But if I remove all the meat, it will be a margherita.”

Customer: “No, I want [Meat Pizza] with no meat.”

Cashier: “Okay.”

(My friend charges the customer for the [Meat Pizza] — which is $9, while the margherita is $3 — then asks the staff to make a margherita and hands it to the customer when it is ready. The customer opens the box and looks at the pizza.)

Customer: “Thank you.”

Me: “…”

Cashier: “…”

The Origin Of Free Pizza

, , , , | Right | March 22, 2018

(There is a football match, called the State of Origin, between two of the Australian states — Queensland and New South Wales. It is taken quite seriously. I work in a pizza shop in New South Wales, but I am a Queenslander born. The customer in this story has come in later on in game time, ordered his pizza, and paid. After I have made his pizza and put it in the oven, he begins talking to me.)

Customer: “Do you know the score for the game?”

Me: “No. Sorry, mate, we don’t have a television here. Besides the fact that I volunteered to work this evening because I don’t watch football, I would be cheering for Queensland if I was watching.”

(He stares at me.)

Customer: “I don’t want a pizza made by a Queenslander.”

(He walked away. He never came back, and I got free dinner.)

A Hot Slice Of Kindness, Part 5

, , , , | Right | March 11, 2018

(I am at the end of a long Saturday pizza delivery shift. I ring the doorbell at one home, and a man comes to the door, yelling to his family:)

Customer: “Pizza’s here!”

(A little girl, maybe three years old, joins her dad at the door. When she sees me, her eyes grow wide, and she says:)

Girl: “I love the pizza man!”

(She then hugs my right leg with all her might. That little sweetie made my whole week!)

A Hot Slice Of Kindness, Part 4
A Hot Slice Of Kindness, Part 3
A Hot Slice Of Kindness, Part 2

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