(At the time of this conversation, my wife and I were estranged. She had requested a picture of me to show to our son for his birthday via text message. I was wearing the fedora she bought me as a gift the previous year. I sent the picture and the following exchange happened over the phone.)

Her: “Well, at least you still look good.”

Me: “Thanks.”

Her: “I see you got a new hat. Looks good. Some woman buy it for you?”

Me: “Yeah. She is kind of hot, too.”

Her: *sounds sad* “Oh?”

Me: “You did…for our anniversary. Last year.”

Her: *sounds happy* “Oh!”

(We have since reconciled!)

(I’m on the phone with my boyfriend. We go to college together, but are apart for the summers. It is one week before we return for the fall semester.)

Me: “You really should get a haircut before we go back to school.”

Him: “I was going to wait until we get back, so that you can cut it.”

Me: “Awww, you like the way I cut your hair? How sweet!”

Him: “No, it’s just cheaper.”

Me: “Hello, you’re through to [phone company]. How can I help?”

Customer: “I’ve just tried to top up my phone and it won’t work. Can you put it back on?”

Me: “Sorry, that number is now cancelled. It cannot be reactivated as it has been recycled.”

Customer: *horrified* “How dare you! That number belongs to me! It is absolutely vital I get that number back. It is my business number! You people are costing me money and putting my livelihood at risk! I’ll sue! This is a disgrace!”

Me: “Madam, that number has been disconnected from your account for seven years. It has been used by two other customers since you last had it.”

Customer: *click*

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Me: “Hello, this is [Company].”

Caller: “Hi, who just called me?”

Me: “I’m not sure. You’ve reached general reception.”

Caller: “Well, someone just called me from this number.”

Me: “Sorry, but there’s no way for me to tell who called you, as this is the general number.”

Customer: “What are you?”

(I explain the company.)

Customer: “I didn’t understand anything about what you just said. Why did you call me?”

Me: “It could be a wrong number.”

Customer: “Ugh, fine. Stop wasting my time by calling me if you don’t know who you are, please!”

Me: *answering phone* “How may I direct your call?”

*silence*

Me: “Hello?”

(After repeating this a few times, I hear fumbling on the other end.)

Caller: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, sir. How may I direct your call?”

Caller: “I’m sorry, you’ve got the wrong number.”

Me: “But… you called me.”

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