I recently attended a live show of the national tour of The Lion King. As everybody who’s ever attended any kind of show knows, there are signs all over reminding you that no photography or videos are allowed during the show, and they make an announcement just before the show starts. Usually, 99% of the audience has no problems with this and is happy to just immerse themselves in the show. 

This time, however, somebody decided she was above that rule. 

An older woman a couple of rows in front of me was sneaking pictures with her phone, purposely keeping her phone at her lap so as not to get caught. I didn’t want to say anything, because I knew I’d get the age-old excuse, “Mind your own business! It’s not bothering you!” 

At a dark scene, though, she messed up. She must’ve forgotten her flash was set to automatic, because suddenly, it went off with her picture. Several people looked back, and she quickly dropped her phone onto her lap. The kid with her whispered something to her, I’m assuming telling her to knock it off, and she didn’t take another picture.

(I am mildly arachnophobic but have always been excited to see scary decorations every Halloween. I’ve never gotten to decorate my house before, so upon receiving a free set of fake spider web decorations, I decide I’m courageous enough to put them up and get a fake spider to go along with them. I go to a Halloween store to purchase a spider. I carefully stay away from the many moving spider props and pick out a traditional furry spider with wire legs. When I go to purchase my spider at the cashier’s station, a large spider drops down from the ceiling into my face.)

Me: *gasps loudly and jumps a foot back* “Jesus Christ!”

Employee: *laughs* “Well, we know the props are doing their job!” *points up to the spider*

(The spider is on a string; it’s a prop that I noticed in the aisle, advertised to drop down from where it’s hung.)

Me: *sheepishly* “I’m arachnophobic.”

Employee: “Oh, gosh, sorry about that!”

(I was able to laugh it off along with the employee, but I still don’t know what I expected upon going into a Halloween store!)

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Customer: “Hey, I want a drink without any alcohol. What do you have?”

Me: “Well, can I get you a soda or something? Maybe some juice?”

Customer: “Can I get a virgin long island?”

Me: “You mean, you want an iced tea?”

Customer: “No, I want a virgin long island.”

Me: “But, a long island is mostly alcohol. I mean, there are five shots in it. Then some sour and some coke. Do you want a glass of sour and coke?”

Customer: “Is that alcoholic?”

(I give up and hand her an iced tea.)

Customer: *turning to a friend, excitedly* “I got a virgin long island!”

This story is part of our Stupid Eaters roundup!

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