(I used to work at a sandwich shop. We were having a special where you could get four or more of our smaller sandwiches for $2.99 each. Some customers don’t understand the concept of simple.)

Customer: “Do you have any specials today?”

Me: “Yes, you can get four or more 6″ subs for $2.99 each.”

Customer: “Do I have to get four?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Why? I’ll only be able to eat one.”

Me: “The computer won’t let me ring up the deal unless you order four or more sandwiches.”

Customer: “Okay, then I’ll get four turkeys.”

(The customer goes through his sandwich-topping business, and we finally make it to the register.)

Me: “Okay, four 6″s comes to $11.96.”

Customer: “I thought they were only $2.99 each.”

Me: “They are. Four times $2.99 is $11.96.”

Customer: “I think you’re charging me too much. Can I see a receipt?”

Me: *prints a receipt*

Customer: “Your prices are wrong, I know it!”

(I take out a calculator and do the math. It comes out to $11.96.)

Customer: “Oh… I still don’t understand, but whatever!” *pays and leaves*

Related:
Math Is Your Friend

(I work in the stock department of a small, local grocery store. Generally, I get one or two requests to check the back for an item a shift. An elderly woman around seventy-five or eighty approaches me. She is asking about a common type of flour we carry.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I’ve managed to find four of these. Would you care to check the backroom to see if you have any more?”

Me: “Sure thing.”

(I grab a single flour package from her. After one or two minutes of aimless searching in the backroom, I return the bag to the woman.)

Customer: “Why, thank you! Now I have four! That’s exactly how many I needed! God bless you!”

(I am way too embarrassed for her to explain the situation.)

Me: “You’re… welcome. Anything else?”

Customer: “One more thing, dear.”

Me: “What is it?”

Customer: “Can you check the back to see if you have any more of these?”

(We’re selling tons of over-the-counter, store-brand medications at buy one, get one free. I ring up a lady who has two bottles of cough syrup with her. She keeps a stern eye on the cash register monitor as I check them through.)

Lady: “That’s not right.”

Me: “What isn’t?”

Lady: “The coupon says buy one at $6.99, get the other one free.”

Me: “Precisely. You’re getting both of these for $6.99.”

Lady: “But one’s ringing up as $3.50 and the other at $3.49.”

Me: “That’s correct. The register divides these differences automatically.”

Lady: *growing fidgety* “But that’s not what the coupon says.”

Me: *after a pause* “Well, $3.50 plus $3.49 is $6.99.”

Lady: “So this is how you scam customers!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m pretty certain that we here at [Drugstore Chain] do not scam our customers when even basic math can rule out any differences.”

Lady: “I only want one. Put this other one back; I don’t want it. I’m not paying an extra $3.49 for this. The ad said buy one, get one free, and I’m not getting that one for free.”

Me: *head-desk*

This story is part of our Pi Day Math roundup!

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Me: “…so if you cancel your other company’s long-distance plan which costs you $10/month, and take ours that’s $8/month, you’ll save $2/month.”

Customer: “Look I called up to save money, and you’re gonna increase my bill?”

Me: “Well, yes, but overall you’ll save…”

Customer: “Look I’ve studied marketing, and you’re not doing this right.”

Me: “Look… I study math.”

Me: “Is she your biological child?”

Customer: “No, no, she’s natural. No scientific stuff.”