It is the day after the Boston bombing suspect was arrested. Every business in Boston was shut down for a whole day the day before and the police and state officials even asked us not to go out for any reason in case the suspect was armed and in the vicinity.

I work in a bakery and I am looking through the cake order forms.

Me: “There’s a cake order for today?”

Manager: “Oh, I’ll check with the pastry chef if we have that today.”

He checks and of course, we don’t have it since we make cakes the day before.

Manager: “Okay, I’ll call the people who ordered it. They should understand since we had that emergency yesterday.”

Soon after, he calls the people who ordered it and offers them any cake in the bakery. I can hear him getting frustrated and hanging up in a very upset way.

Manager: “They weren’t happy about it at all.”

Sure enough, when the customers come in, I hear them yelling at him.

Customer: “Why couldn’t you have called us yesterday? It’s their son’s first birthday and we’ve been telling them how great your cakes are but we have to settle for this?!”

Manager: “Look, your friend should understand we had an emergency yesterday; did you want me to risk my life just for you?”

Because of the health and safety lockdowns, my company has all the stores reduce their hours and have one person working the day unless it’s delivery day. The reduced hours are posted along with guidelines for shopping in the stores: no more than ten people in the store at any given point, only touch what you’re going to buy, etc.

I am sweeping the entryway and the sidewalk to get rid of debris. The store has been open for half an hour at that point, so all lights are on, the door is unlocked, and the cash register is open. Customers see me open the store door after I am done sweeping and come over. They read the sign in its entirety and then proceed to open the door. What’s the first thing that they ask?

Customer: “Hey, so, are you guys open?”

Huge mental head-desk followed, along with several other people who did the exact same thing. This is going to be a long couple of weeks.

I’m in line behind my friend at a now-defunct steakhouse chain whose slogan is “More Bigger, More Better! Nicer!” It is set up cafeteria-style, where you order your steak at the start of the lane and then proceed down the line to get all your sides, drinks, dessert, etc. You pay at the register at the end and they bring your steak to your table once it’s done. My friend gets to where you can choose your type of potato and he chooses French fries. The server places a noticeably small amount of fries on his plate, so few that you could count how many fries were on his plate.

Friend: “Excuse me, could you please put more fries on my plate?” 

Server: “I’m sorry, but that’s the standard amount we give out.”

Friend: *Incredulous* “Seriously? You’re telling me that this is the standard amount of fries I get? That’s not how it’s been at your other locations.”

Server: “I’m sorry, but the amount we’re told to give out.”

Friend: “Hey! Your motto is ‘More Bigger, More Better! Nicer!’ Put more fries on there!”

The server then picks up the service tray holding the fries and dumps the whole thing — which was more than a quarter full — out on my friend’s plate, which is now overflowing with a mound of French fries.

Friend: *Sarcastically* “Thank you!”

Server: “You’re welcome!”

Me: *To the server* “I think I’ll have the mashed!”

Customer: “Hey, do you know if I’m allowed to park there?” 

He indicates his car outside.

Me: “I’m not 100% sure one way or the other, but they’re pretty draconian about parking around here so you might not want to risk it.”

Customer: “Yeah, but they can’t ticket me since I don’t live around here, right?”

Customer: “Could I get a small raspberry Italian soda?”

Me: “Small raspberry Italian soda? Sure. No problem.”

Customer: “Could you do it without syrup?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but the part that gives an Italian soda its fruity, raspberry flavor is just syrup.”

Customer: “That’s what I’m saying, but could you do it without syrup?”

Me: *pause* “No.”