Why Judgment Day’s Gonna Be A Cakewalk, Part 2
Customer: “Excuse me, how do I get out?”
Me: “The door is right over there, ma’am.”
Customer: “Yes, but it’s not opening.”
Me: “It isn’t an automatic door.”
Customer: “So, how do I get out?”
Laziness Has Its Advantages
Me: “Hi, welcome to [Hospital]. How can I help you?”
Visitor: “I’d like to file a complaint. Is there a paper or something I can fill out?”
Me: “Sure. There are feedback forms right–”
Visitor: “[Patient]’s room is too far away! I’ve had to walk around this place too much. Too much walking. I don’t want to do any more walking!”
Me: “Okay. There are forms right on that desk over there.” *I point to desk a few feet away*
Visitor: “No, no, no! Forget it! If they’re too far away I don’t wanna do it! I don’t wanna walk that far! Goodbye!” *walks out of the hospital*
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Hello, This Is Pot Calling Kettle
Me: “[College], how can I help you?”
Caller: “Hi, I’d like to apply for your college.”
Me: “Okay, what program?”
Caller: “I don’t know. Whatever.”
Me: “Well, we have course descriptions and an application online.”
Caller: “My computer’s busted. Why is everything online? That’s really inconvenient for me!”
Me: “Well, we can schedule an appointment for you to come in and talk to one of our admissions people.”
Caller: “My truck’s busted. What do you want me to do, walk?”
Me: “Well, I could fax you an application–”
Caller: “Do I sound like someone who has a fax machine at work? Why are you being so difficult?!” *click*
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Sloth Goes Shopping
Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I direct your call?”
Caller: “Are you in the store?”
Me: “Yes.”
Caller: “Good. Me, too.”
Me: “Sir, what can I help you with?”
Caller: “I need to know where [item] is. I didn’t want to walk around the store to look.”
Me: “It is in aisle five, sir.”
Caller: “You aren’t going to come and show me? You guys are lazy!” *click*
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Lazy Beyond Relief
Caller: *on the phone* “My house is going to be foreclosed on next week! Please help! I cannot lose this house; please help me save it!”
Me: “Okay. We’ll email a bankruptcy questionnaire to you right away. Please fill out as much as you can and get it back to us ASAP.”
(I email her the packet, which asks basic questions like how much you owe your creditors, what are your assets, how much do you make, etc. The caller phones back fifteen minutes later.)
Caller: “That’s just too much information! Never mind, I’ll just give up the house.”
This story is part of our Lazy Customers roundup!
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