(My brother and I are both in the kitchen before school. I’m 19 and he’s 14. I am up very late, as usual, and am a bit out of it.)
Me: “[Brother], pass me the p*rn cops.”
Brother: “…I guess I know why you were up so late.”
(I’m 15 years old. My mother mentions to her friend that I love to read. Her friend buys me a bunch of new books to read, as a present. I begin reading, and I realize that some of them are ‘adult’ books. My mom is kind of strict, so I’m surprised she would okay me reading these books, but I figure she is loosening up a bit and say nothing. A few weeks pass…)
Mom’s Friend: “So how is your daughter liking her new books? Is she reading them?”
Mom: “Oh yes, she is devouring them.”
Mom’s Friend: “That’s great! I’m glad she is enjoying them. It’s great that a young woman of 25 still enjoys a good book.”
Mom: “25? No, she is 15.”
Mom’s Friend: “15?! I thought that you said that she was 25!”
(My mom comes into my room red-faced, and takes my books. She donates them to charity! She doesn’t talk to that friend anymore.)
(My boyfriend and I are talking. We are both blonde, him more so than me.)
Me: “We would make such blonde babies.”
Boyfriend: “We would, indeed.”
Me: “We could repopulate the world when blondes die out!”
Boyfriend: “We would be doing the world a favor. With smart blondes, even!”
Me: “We would make pretty Sheldon Coopers.”
Boyfriend: “Indeed. The world would be a better place.”
Me: “Full of socially-awkward smart people and science everywhere!”
Boyfriend: “Indeed. To the bedroom!”
This story is part of the Nerds In Love roundup!
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(We are at a backyard cookout. The hosts are a girl and her transgendered boyfriend.)
Boyfriend: “What are you doing?”
Girlfriend: “I’m eating a hot dog. I like them, and God knows you don’t give me any.
Everyone Else: “Ooooh!”
Boyfriend: “What are you talking about? I’ve got three upstairs.”
(My roommates are annoyingly affectionate. I am getting ready to go to bed when the male roommate asks me to text his girlfriend, as his phone is lousy and she is out late with friends.)
Me: *texting* “Your dude says he misses you.”
Female Roommate: “Tell him I love him!”
Me: “I’m not an owl!”
