Me: “Hi, I am looking for a costume I saw on your website. It is a hood and gloves that looks like a Godzilla-type green monster?”

Employee: “Oh, yeah, I know just what you’re talking about! It’s over here!”

(The employee leads me to a display and shows me a very revealing, full body costume that looks like a Muppet.)

Employee: “This is it!”

Me: “No, this is a full-body Muppet. What I am looking for just goes over your head and hands, and looks like Godzilla.”

Employee: “Oh, sorry. Now I know what you’re talking about!”

(Leads me to a different display, takes off a package of green leg warmers and hands them to me.)

Me: “No, this isn’t it either…”

Employee: “Sorry. Wait, what did you ask for me for again? A teddy bear?”

Me: “Never mind. Maybe I can find it myself.”

Customer: “Hi, I need a dress for a show I’m singing in.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. What time period are you looking for?”

Customer: “Just a dress from ‘back then.'”

Me: “When exactly?”

Customer: “Like, between the ’20s and the ’60s.”

(I am working the rentals department of a costume shop when I was forwarded a call.)

Me: “Hi, what can I help you find today?”

Customer: “I was wondering if you have any mini skirts, low cut blouses, push up bras, high heels, that sort of thing.”

Me: “Yes, we might have something like that. What type of event do you need it for?”

Customer: “It’s not for me; it’s for my daughter. She just got her degree and is interviewing for a job.”

Me: “…What job is she interviewing for?”

Customer: “It’s for [Major Video Game Developer]. She’s a video game programmer.”

Me: “I’m sorry. She’s going in for an interview and she needs what, now?”

Customer: “Don’t you think she needs to wear something sexy? You know, since there are so many men in that field?”

Me: “What does your daughter think she should wear?”

Customer: “Oh, she’s a tomboy. She’d wear a T-shirt if I let her. But don’t you agree with me? Shouldn’t she wear something sexy?”

Me: *afraid to outright disagree with a customer* “I think you should consult someone in the industry about what’s appropriate.”

Customer: “She needs to show a little cleavage, you know? With a mini skirt?”

Me: *completely flabbergasted* “…I’m sorry, I don’t think we have anything to help you.”

(A man rented six Santa suits for his various insurance company locations, as he owns several. Two hours before he is to pick up his order he calls in.)

Caller: “Hi, I’d like to cancel the Santa suits, and I’d like a refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we require at least 48 hours’ notice for all cancellations.”

Caller: “But I don’t need these any more.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s in the rental contract you signed that you can’t cancel the day of and get a refund.”

Caller: “What, actually you expected me to read that thing!?”

(Our contract is one page long, size-14 font, with all major points in bold, and we go over each point with the customer before they sign it. But apparently that was too much for an insurance salesman to read.)

Customer: “Do you sell stripper costumes?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “Stripper or hooker, whatever. I need it for a Halloween costume party.”

(I assume she’s dressing up herself for a party for adults.)

Me: “Why don’t you just go to a lingerie store? Or perhaps an adult store?”

Customer: “Well, they won’t be selling sizes that fit my kid. She’s six.”

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