Search Your Feelings, You Know It To Be True

| KY, USA | Right | October 30, 2015

(It is October, 1999. I am in the local fabric store with some friends, getting costuming stuff. We run across a woman buying up materials for making an Anakin Skywalker costume for her nine-year-old son that’s with her. He really, really likes ‘Star Wars: The Phantom Menace;’ it is his favorite movie and he has come to be a huge fan of ‘Star Wars.’)

Boy: “I’ve watched the original trilogy of films every week and that I’ve seen Episode I in theaters a dozen times and can’t wait for it to come out on tape!”

Mom: “I hope my boy grows up to be just like Anakin!” *she then goes on talking about what a great role model Anakin is for young boys and how she encourages her boy to be like Anakin… cue the awkward pause and cringe by me and my friends*

Me: “Uh, do you know that Anakin Skywalker grows up to be Darth Vader?”

Mom: “Don’t be crazy. You’re making that up. There’s no way sweet little Anakin could ever become evil like that. Besides, he doesn’t grow up to be Vader. They have different names after all.”

Me: “These are prequels. They are set decades before the original films, right? Okay, the hero of the original films was Luke Skywalker right? Okay, remember the “No, I am your father.” part that Vader says?”

(That is when it clicked to her. She’d never put it together. She got a look of abject horror on her face when she realized it was true. She grabbed her boy by the hand, dragging him out of the store, saying he was going to be something else for Halloween, and he was not allowed to ever watch Star Wars ever again and she was getting rid of all his Star Wars stuff because it was filled with such bad role models for children.)

Godzilla Versus The Muppets

| Chicago, IL, USA | Working | September 4, 2015

Me: “Hi, I am looking for a costume I saw on your website. It is a hood and gloves that looks like a Godzilla-type green monster?”

Employee: “Oh, yeah, I know just what you’re talking about! It’s over here!”

(The employee leads me to a display and shows me a very revealing, full body costume that looks like a Muppet.)

Employee: “This is it!”

Me: “No, this is a full-body Muppet. What I am looking for just goes over your head and hands, and looks like Godzilla.”

Employee: “Oh, sorry. Now I know what you’re talking about!”

(Leads me to a different display, takes off a package of green leg warmers and hands them to me.)

Me: “No, this isn’t it either…”

Employee: “Sorry. Wait, what did you ask for me for again? A teddy bear?”

Me: “Never mind. Maybe I can find it myself.”

From Flappers To Flares

| USA | Right | August 31, 2015

Customer: “Hi, I need a dress for a show I’m singing in.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. What time period are you looking for?”

Customer: “Just a dress from ‘back then.'”

Me: “When exactly?”

Customer: “Like, between the ’20s and the ’60s.”

Can’t Em-Bra-ce Her Tomboyishness

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Right | May 28, 2015

(I am working the rentals department of a costume shop when I was forwarded a call.)

Me: “Hi, what can I help you find today?”

Customer: “I was wondering if you have any mini skirts, low cut blouses, push up bras, high heels, that sort of thing.”

Me: “Yes, we might have something like that. What type of event do you need it for?”

Customer: “It’s not for me; it’s for my daughter. She just got her degree and is interviewing for a job.”

Me: “…What job is she interviewing for?”

Customer: “It’s for [Major Video Game Developer]. She’s a video game programmer.”

Me: “I’m sorry. She’s going in for an interview and she needs what, now?”

Customer: “Don’t you think she needs to wear something sexy? You know, since there are so many men in that field?”

Me: “What does your daughter think she should wear?”

Customer: “Oh, she’s a tomboy. She’d wear a T-shirt if I let her. But don’t you agree with me? Shouldn’t she wear something sexy?”

Me: *afraid to outright disagree with a customer* “I think you should consult someone in the industry about what’s appropriate.”

Customer: “She needs to show a little cleavage, you know? With a mini skirt?”

Me: *completely flabbergasted* “…I’m sorry, I don’t think we have anything to help you.”

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Christmas Cancellation Fee

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Right | December 21, 2014

(A man rented six Santa suits for his various insurance company locations, as he owns several. Two hours before he is to pick up his order he calls in.)

Caller: “Hi, I’d like to cancel the Santa suits, and I’d like a refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we require at least 48 hours’ notice for all cancellations.”

Caller: “But I don’t need these any more.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s in the rental contract you signed that you can’t cancel the day of and get a refund.”

Caller: “What, actually you expected me to read that thing!?”

(Our contract is one page long, size-14 font, with all major points in bold, and we go over each point with the customer before they sign it. But apparently that was too much for an insurance salesman to read.)

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