(I work at a rural convenience store. Several other stores in a nearby town had been robbed during the overnight shift, and a new policy has been instituted in order to help identify thieves when they are caught. However, this will only work if the thieves don’t know about it, so we’re forbidden to tell the customers. I usually work third shift, but on this occasion I am covering second for a vacationing coworker.)

Coworker: *to a customer* “…so, see, that way we’ll know they’re the ones who robbed us.”

(The customer leaves.)

Me: “Hey, dude, you’re not supposed to tell people that!”

Coworker: “So? It’s not like I’m going to get robbed. They only rob the overnight.”

Me: “[Coworker]! I might get robbed!”

Coworker: “Oh, yeah…”

(A friend of mine walks in and gets in my line. His ex-wife and he live close by each other, and he gets to see his daughter on his scheduled weekends, but also throughout the week if he’s not busy.)

Me: “How are you doing today?”

Friend: “Oh, not too bad. I have a date with a cute red-head this afternoon.”

Me: *knowing he is talking about his daughter* “Oh really? What do you have planned for today?”

Friend: “I don’t know. I think we’re gonna go to the park and let her ride her bike around, and then go get some lunch.”

Me: “Sounds good! Hope you guys have fun!”

(My friend wishes me a good day, and heads out the door. My next customer walks up.)

Customer: “It sounds like he’s going on a date with a four year old.”

Me: “Actually, she’s six!”

(A rather elderly customer is purchasing several packs of cigarettes, and other items. After I give her the total, she pulls some money out of her purse. She decides to buy the cigarettes as a carton, for the larger discount. I tell her the new total and she suddenly looks confused.)

Customer: “Where’s the fifty dollar bill I gave you?”

Me: “You haven’t given me anything, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yes, I did. I handed you a fifty dollar bill.”

Me: “Are you sure? Maybe you put it back in your purse.”

(After arguing with me long enough for my coworker to serve four more customers at the other till, she finds the $50 bill… in her purse. She pays and leaves in a huff, via automobile. Moments later, a seven-year-old boy approaches the front doors, holding a beverage and looking confused. We stare in confusion ourselves, until the customer’s car pulls back into our parking lot. She had forgotten her grandson in our store.)

(I decide to stop at a convenience store for some snacks.)

Cashier: “So, how has your day been?”

Me: “It’s been all right. I just worked a six-hour shift and I’m about to head back. I just got these snacks for my break. I have another seven-hour shift ahead of me! I’m just so glad these [sports drinks] are on sale!”

Cashier: “Ugh, good luck! Okay, your total will be… $6.66. Do you want to buy something else so that’s not your total?”

Me: “No, thanks. I don’t really mind, and I only have $7, anyway.”

Cashier: “Please buy a pack of gum or something!”

Me: “I really don’t have enough money for that.”

Cashier: “Then I’ll remove one of these drinks from your purchases! It will be fine!”

Me: “But I need those for myself, my coworker, and my boss! They’ll be pissed if I don’t bring them! Just ring me up for $6.66! I really don’t care!”

Cashier: *takes my $7* “OUR FATHER, WHO ART IN HEAVEN, HALLOWED BE THY NAME…”

(She shouts the whole prayer incredibly dramatically while counting out my change.)

Me: *takes change silently*

Cashier: “DON’T RETURN, DEVIL CHILD!”

Me: “No problem, lady!”

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(My manager and I are approached by a regular customer who is notorious for being just downright nasty and mean-spirited. She doesn’t believe in donating to charity and always thinks we’re barmy for wanting to help others.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you served that man!”

Manager: “What?”

Customer: “I gave him money in the car park! He said it was for food or a bus or something, and he bought beer! You do know he’s a homeless alcoholic, don’t you?”

Me: “Well, what do you want us to do?”

Customer: “I can’t believe you served him! You shouldn’t have let him buy alcohol! I feel violated!”

(The manager realizes she may be angling for a refund of the gentleman’s beer money.)

Manager: “Unfortunately, ma’am, we are not in control of what happens away from our premises. If he asked you for money and you gave it to him, then that is only your fault. Now, if there’s nothing we can help you with, please have a pleasant Halloween.”

Customer: “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU LET HIM ABUSE MY MONEY!”

(The customer storms out. The manager turns to me.)

Manager: “I don’t believe for a minute that she gave him money; she’s just trying to cause trouble. She’s probably got a problem with us for being in fancy dress for charity, too!”