(I have gone to pick up junk food for the house, when a customer in line behind me notices the chocolate bars I’ve selected. They are a brand that leaves tiny air bubbles inside the chocolate.)

Customer: “Oh! I just love those!”

Me: “Heh, yeah. They’re a favorite in the household.”

Customer: “I love them because they took all the calories out!”

Me: “The orange ones are the best, I— Wait, what?”

Customer: “Oh, don’t you know? Those holes are where the calories used to be!”

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Me: “That will be ¥1260.”

Customer: *gives a ¥1000 bill*

Me: “And ¥260 yen more.”

Customer: “I have only a ¥1000.”

Me: “Okay. Since you’re short ¥260, shall we put some items away?”

Customer: “Why?”

(I work at a rural convenience store. Several other stores in a nearby town had been robbed during the overnight shift, and a new policy has been instituted in order to help identify thieves when they are caught. However, this will only work if the thieves don’t know about it, so we’re forbidden to tell the customers. I usually work third shift, but on this occasion I am covering second for a vacationing coworker.)

Coworker: *to a customer* “…so, see, that way we’ll know they’re the ones who robbed us.”

(The customer leaves.)

Me: “Hey, dude, you’re not supposed to tell people that!”

Coworker: “So? It’s not like I’m going to get robbed. They only rob the overnight.”

Me: “[Coworker]! I might get robbed!”

Coworker: “Oh, yeah…”

(A friend of mine walks in and gets in my line. His ex-wife and he live close by each other, and he gets to see his daughter on his scheduled weekends, but also throughout the week if he’s not busy.)

Me: “How are you doing today?”

Friend: “Oh, not too bad. I have a date with a cute red-head this afternoon.”

Me: *knowing he is talking about his daughter* “Oh really? What do you have planned for today?”

Friend: “I don’t know. I think we’re gonna go to the park and let her ride her bike around, and then go get some lunch.”

Me: “Sounds good! Hope you guys have fun!”

(My friend wishes me a good day, and heads out the door. My next customer walks up.)

Customer: “It sounds like he’s going on a date with a four year old.”

Me: “Actually, she’s six!”

(A rather elderly customer is purchasing several packs of cigarettes, and other items. After I give her the total, she pulls some money out of her purse. She decides to buy the cigarettes as a carton, for the larger discount. I tell her the new total and she suddenly looks confused.)

Customer: “Where’s the fifty dollar bill I gave you?”

Me: “You haven’t given me anything, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yes, I did. I handed you a fifty dollar bill.”

Me: “Are you sure? Maybe you put it back in your purse.”

(After arguing with me long enough for my coworker to serve four more customers at the other till, she finds the $50 bill… in her purse. She pays and leaves in a huff, via automobile. Moments later, a seven-year-old boy approaches the front doors, holding a beverage and looking confused. We stare in confusion ourselves, until the customer’s car pulls back into our parking lot. She had forgotten her grandson in our store.)