(I live and work in Joplin, MO. A customer wants to place an order with the business I work for and calls me.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Supervisor, now!”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but before I can transfer you to a supervisor, I need to get your name and phone number please.”

Customer: “Okay, my name is [name] and my number is [number]. I am calling because I see this mailing address for Joplin, MO and I know that Joplin was wiped off the map from that tornado.”

Me: “No, sir. Not all of the city was destroyed. Only one-third was wiped out.”

Customer: “Supervisor, now!”

(I get his name and number and get a supervisor. The supervisor tells him the exact same thing.)

Customer: “You are all frauds!” *click*

(I work at a major gaming retailer. A customer walks in with her son and wants to trade games in for another game. I have a running joke I state to customers: when signing over games, I verify that they are their games and not games from some kids they beat up.)

Me: “Alright, ma’am. Please sign on the pad stating these are your games, that you are voluntarily selling them to us, and that you didn’t beat up some kid and leave him in a snow drift somewhere.”

(The customer’s fourteen-year-old son cracks up laughing.)

Customer: “How can you say that?! That is a rude and despicable thing to accuse me of!”

Son: “Mom, he’s kidding!”

(The customers behind her start laughing as well.)

Customer: “Ah, okay. I’d like [Game] in exchange, please.”

(This happens while I’m setting up a new prepaid phone with a cute little lady.)

Me: “Alright, ma’am. Go ahead and press the phone’s power button and let me know when it has powered up.”

Customer: “The power? What is power?”

Me: “It’s the button you normally hang calls up with. Looks like a little red telephone.”

Customer: “Ah, I see!”

(A few minutes pass in silence.)

Me: “Ma’am, are you having trouble turning the phone on?”

Customer: “Yes. It doesn’t work. There’s no light.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Check and make sure the battery is pushed in all the way on the back.”

Customer: “Battery? What battery?”

Me: “It came with the phone, in the package. It’s small, black, and has three little metal contacts on one end. You need to put it inside the back part of your phone.”

Customer: “I don’t see a battery. There isn’t one in the phone, and there isn’t one in the package, either.”

Me: “You don’t see it? It should have been packaged in a separate little baggie–”

Customer: “OH! That! That’s in my candy dish!”

Me: “Your candy dish?”

Customer: “Yeah! I saw it on the table and thought it was a piece of chocolate!”

(I get a lot of billing questions on the phone.)

Customer: *irately* “I need to know why my insurance was canceled at the end of July.”

(I look up his policy in our database.)

Me: “Sir, you haven’t paid your bill since May.”

Customer: “I have to pay my bill?”

(I’m a projectionist at a movie theater, so every once in a while, I have to deal with customer complaints. We have 3D movies that are extremely blurry if you don’t wear the glasses that we give you.)

Old woman: “Excuse me, I would like a refund.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?”

Old woman: *waving 3D glasses at me* “I don’t know how much extra I paid for these stupid things, but my movie wasn’t in 3D!”

Me: I’m sorry, ma’am. Which movie did you go see?”

Old woman: “I saw [movie only available in 3D] with my grandson and I didn’t have to use these things at all, not even once!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but since you sat through the whole movie, I can’t give you a refund. That movie is also extremely blurry if you don’t use the glasses we give you.”

Old woman: “But I didn’t use them at all and it looked just fine–just not 3D!”

(As she storms away angrily with a boy of about 5 in tow, she gets into her car and almost hits a young couple walking across the parking lot on her way out.)

This story is part of our 3D Movies roundup!

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