(There is an annual bar crawl. The street is almost literally filled with people who can’t even stand. I am a customer waiting in line.)

Drunk Girl: “There… should be… more…”

(She is digging through her purse for cash.)

Drunk Girl: “Um…”

(The drunk girl hands the cashier her lighter and other various objects as she digs through her purse.)

Drunk Girl: “How much more do you need?”

Cashier: “$8.56.”

Drunk Girl: “Randy?”

(She starts looking around for her boyfriend, who has wandered off. Then she looks at me.)

Drunk Girl: “You’re not Randy… but can I owe you $8.56?”

(The cashier gives me a look of desperation. Seeing as this has been taking quite a long time, and I feel bad for the cashier, I take out my card to pay.)

Me: “Sure, add it together with my stuff.”

Drunk Girl: “Thank you!”

Me: “You’re welcome.”

(The drunk girl proceeds to just walk out of the store without her purse or groceries.)

Cashier & Me: “Miss! Your purse!”

(The cashier and I exchange looks.)

Me: “Good luck tonight.”

Cashier: “Thanks!”

(A young girl and her granddad approach my till and he indicates the open bag of cranberries in her hand.)

Man: “I’d like to pay for those, please.”

Me: “Of course, sir. That’ll be 99p, please.”

Girl: “Would you like one, Granddad?”

Man: “No, thank you, darling.”

(The little girl then reaches over the counter to offer the bag to me.)

Girl: “Would you like one?”

Me: *surprised* “Oh, no, thank you! But it’s very nice of you to offer.”

Girl: *sternly* “You should ALWAYS share!”

(A customer comes up to our customer service desk complaining about music playing in our store.)

Customer: “I want you to take that last song off the speakers.”

Me: “Umm, Don’t Upset The Rhythm? Is that the one?”

Customer: “The one that goes ‘Go Baby Go Baby Go’?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Customer: “Yes, take it off. It’s pressuring me to hurry my shopping!”

Customer: “Can I pay for my meal in guacamole?”

Me: “I–excuse me?”

Customer: “My wife makes a mean guacamole.”

(I am a cashier at a small chain grocery store in a small town. I am monitoring the self-checkout station when a customer walks up to me.)

Me: “Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “Hi is [coworker’s name] still here?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but he has already left for the evening. Is there something I could assist you with?”

Customer: “Well, I am so embarrassed. He was my cashier earlier today and he asked me if I gave his pen back to him. I checked my pockets and I thought I did, but when I got home I found it in my purse! Could I leave this with you and you give it to him next time he comes in?”

Me: *slightly shocked* “Ma’am, you mean to tell me you drove all the way back here to return a pen to my coworker?”

Customer: “Yes. I told him I hadn’t took it. I feel so bad!”

Me: “Well that is very kind of you, I am sure he will appreciate it. I will make sure to leave him a note letting him know you returned it. Might I ask how far you had to drive to return it?”

Customer: “Well, I live in [town about 40 minutes away from store location].”

Me: “What!?”