Customer: “I want my money back for this turkey. It didn’t taste right.”
The customer presents me with a plastic bag containing bones and skin.
Me: “If it didn’t taste right, why did you consume the entire turkey?”
Customer: “It was Thanksgiving! We had to eat something!”
This story is part of our Thanksgiving 2023 roundup!
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Read the roundup!
It’s Black Friday and I’m standing at the customer service desk. Our store has decided to try to space out sales this year. For example, from six to eight, women’s T-shirts, camping equipment, and video games are on sale. From eight to ten, baby clothes, toys, and candy are on sale. This is intended to keep people spread out so that the whole store is not mobbed, and people can plan their shopping accordingly.
Around 6:30 am, right after our sales began, a man built like a brick wall comes up to the desk carrying a bike with training wheels.
Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”
Customer: “This bike isn’t on sale.”
He points to the Black Friday ad on the wall.
Customer: “But your ad says it is.”
Me: “The bike sales are at ten; that’s why it’s not coming up at the sale price.”
Customer: “No, it’s [sale price] because that’s what your ad says.”
Me: “At ten.”
He begins flexing his muscles and rotating his shoulders.
Customer: “This. Bike. Is. On. Sale.”
Me: “At ten. Is there anything else?”
Customer: *Picks up the bike with one hand* “Sell me this bike or I will throw it at your f****** head.”
Me: “You can leave, sir.”
Customer: “F*** you, you low-life c***.”
Though my heart was beating out of my chest, I walked calmly into the back office and locked the door, watching on the CCTV as I called for security. The man threw the bike at the door, screaming and swearing. Our local police officers were on site that night — because, you know, big sales make people crazy — and came to remove the man from the store. It took several of them to get him out of the store, and only after he had been pepper-sprayed, wrestled to the ground, and cuffed did he leave.
It’s Black Friday. I’m in charge of the registers, which means solving any minor issues and answering the phone. It rings, so I pick it up.
Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”
Caller: “Yeah, sweet thing, I need—”
He starts describing some sexually graphic stuff. I hang up. Store policy says that if it’s apparent it’s a prank or we start to become harassed, we can hang up. A minute later, it rings again.
Caller: “I need [another graphic description]—”
I hang up again. The coworker I’m next to is a guy with a very deep, masculine voice. When the phone rings AGAIN, I hand it to him.
Coworker: “This is [Store]. How may I— Oh, he hung up.”
It happens two more times and then he stops. I continue on with work for a bit and then go on lunch. While I’m eating, my manager comes over.
Manager: “So, I got a call that you were rude and abusive on the phone and hung up on them.”
Me: “Oh, you must mean ‘Creepy Dude’ from this morning. He’s the only one I hung up on.”
Manager: “Wait, what? He said he asked about something we sell and you cursed at him.”
I explain what happened to my manager. She then goes back to the phone.
Manager: “Sir, do not call here again. We do not tolerate sexual harassment from customers.”
She hangs up.
Manager: “I hate Black Friday.”
Dear readers,
It’s that day again. The one shopping day of the year that spreads fear and loathing to retail workers everywhere in the US. The day where American shoppers commit bodily harm to others to get that deal literally one day after being thankful for what they already have.
Yes… Welcome to another Black Friday!
To all those retail workers out there who have to endure the hordes of entitled shoppers today, we salute you. If you meet a truly terrible customer today, we’re here for you to tell us about it! In the meantime, we’ve rounded up 25 crazy tales of Black Fridays past that show you’re not going through today alone.
Good luck and stay safe!
Black Friday Takes The Same Route Every Year – One reasonable customer, and one of… those.
How To Get Ahead Of The Sales – What are they selling? Tickets to the fountain of youth or something?
Door Busted – At least it dawned on them eventually.
It is Black Friday, and I am working in a huge superstore that is open twenty-four hours. This means we are setting up the Black Friday sale displays in front of the customers. Imagine a horde of ravenous zombies, licking their lips, with only a small plastic barrier between you and them.
I am setting up the video game displays, and a very popular military first-person shooter is going to go very cheap. I’ve had many gamers come up to me asking if it is possible to grab a copy early.
Me: “Sorry, sir, if you took a copy of the game to the registers right now, it would be marked as full price. You need to wait until midnight.”
Customer #1: “Well, can I grab a copy now and just wait until then?
Me: “I’m afraid not, sir. Customers aren’t allowed access to Black Friday sales items until midnight.”
As I am explaining this further to [Customer #1], another guy walks by, just as my coworker starts to put up the final sales sign, showing the price. This… was a mistake.
Customer #2: “Call of Duty for 70% off! Woohoo!”
With that, [Customer #2] literally crashes through the flimsy plastic barrier and grabs himself a copy of the game. Seeing this, [Customer #1] panics that he will lose out, so he decides to do the same.
Me: “Sirs! Sirs! The sale does not start until midnight! You need to—”
Too late; the zombies can smell blood. Within seconds, the display is being mobbed by about twenty hungry gamers, knocking over our hard work and screaming victory as they grab the plastic cases. The noise and chaos are enough to attract yet more customers, who engage in the same behavior until all the copies are gone.
This has also caught the attention of my manager, who comes up to my coworker and me as we survey the damage to the display.
Manager: “Do they know those cases are empty?”
Me: “I barely managed to get a word in. They’ll find out when they get to checkout and they won’t scan.”
Manager: “I guess I should make a store-wide announcement before our cashiers are mobbed.”
As it is 11:30 pm, on Thanksgiving, my manager is at the end of his tether, so he makes the following glorious announcement.
Manager: “Would the hundred idiots who grabbed empty display copies of Call Of Duty please return them to the display from which they stole them? Any customers caught carrying these display copies will be removed by security.”
The next half-hour or so saw a few embarrassed customers sheepishly return the cases, but most did not, not realizing that the actual physical copies would be brought out from the back at midnight and physically handed to customers who would be waiting in an orderly line.
There were a lot of disappointed idiots at the checkouts that Black Friday!
