Receipted And Defeated

| Friendly | May 2, 2014

(My friends and I decide to do some grocery shopping together. The friend in question is in a relationship.)

Girl At The Register: “Do you want the receipt?”

Friend: “Only if you write your phone number on it.”

(The girl at the register starts to write her phone number on the receipt.)

Me: “Hey, [Friend], don’t you already have a girlfriend?”

(The girl at the register throws away the receipt, and my friend just glares at me.)

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A Slight Revelation Deflation

| Friendly | May 2, 2014

Friend: “I HAVE HAD AN EPIPHANY!”

Me: “Oh? Do tell!”

Friend: “Wait… define epiphany for me first.”

Me: “And this is why we are best friends.”

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Totally In The Dark

| Friendly | May 2, 2014

(I am at a stop downtown waiting for a bus. I have a few minutes to wait, so I am walking back and forth along the street. A man comes up to me.)

Man: “Excuse me. Do you have the time?”

Me: “Sure, it’s 11:39.”

Man: “At night or in the daytime?”

(Stunned by this question, I stare at him for a moment before pointing up to the dark, starry sky. There are streetlights on all around us in front of the closed, darkened mall and library. He looks at me, up at the sky, and back to me.)

Man: “What?”

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Strike The Right Note

| Friendly | May 1, 2014

(I am in hospital. A fellow ward-mate and I are fasting for two days waiting for surgery. My ward mate hasn’t smiled or laughed in days because she is in pain. A friend comes in to visit and the three of us are talking about how hungry we are.)

Me: “Maybe we should protest.”

Friend: “You could go on a hunger strike.”

(The only thing that saved him from a slap was the fact that my ward-mate was laughing so hard.)

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The Joke Is The Final Death

| Friendly | May 1, 2014

(My grandmother and my father died within three months of each other. I come back to school after two days of missing class.)

Teacher: “Oh, [My Name], where were you yesterday?”

Me: “I am sorry.” *close to tears* “My father died day before yesterday.”

Teacher “Oh, you poor, poor girl. And so shortly after your grandmother died, too.”

Friend: “Well, deaths always come in threes…”

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