Pudding A Name To The Flavor

| Friendly | April 23, 2014

(We meet up after Christmas at a friend’s house for a gaming night. Independent from each other, everyone has brought their remainder of Christmas candy, cookies etc. A friend opens my box and pulls out a cookie.)

Friend: “Oh, cool. I’ve never seen a cookie like that. What is it?”

Me: “It’s a pudding cookie. I tried a new recipe and replaced the flour with pudding.”

Friend: “What flavor?”

Me: “Vanilla.”

Friend: “Oh, great.” *takes a bite*

Friend: “Oh, what is that taste? It’s familiar, like…”

Me: “Vanilla pudding?”

Friend: “Oh yes, that’s exactly what it is! How did you know?”

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Finally Got To Dish The Dirt

, | Friendly | April 23, 2014

(In our apartment there are three bedrooms with two beds in each room. The roommate who shares my room is a close friend of mine and we were roommates the previous semester. All of the other girls are new, and no one knew each other before we moved in together. I am engaged so I am rarely home. My friend/room-roommate is also rarely home, and as such we never do the dishes since we don’t eat at our apartment. Throughout the semester there is a lot of tension, and my room-roommate and I don’t know why. Passive-aggressive notes show up all throughout the semester about dishes, but we just ignore them because we don’t use dishes. We notice that our food often ‘disappears’ but we just stop buying more. The following exchange occurs with one of the roommates the semester after everyone moves to different apartments.)

Me: “Hey! Long time no see! How are you?”

Roommate: “I’m doing well. I’m living in [new apartment complex] now.”

Me: “Oh yeah? Didn’t you move out because of [other roommate who made everyone uncomfortable]?”

Roommate: “Yeah. We learned some more things about her after you left.”

Me: “Yeah? Like what?”

Roommate: “Remember how there were all those notes about the dishes?”

Me: “Oh, yeah. [Room-Roommate] and I thought they were directed at us, but we were confused about it because we never used dishes.”

Roommate: “Apparently [Roommate who made everyone uncomfortable] kept using your dishes and would leave them dirty in the kitchen. Then she would say that you guys left them and show her own clean dishes so she didn’t have to clean them!”

Me: “WHAT?! How could someone do that?! And how did you figure it out?!”

Roommate: “It turns out she tried to do that this semester, but because all of her roommates stayed home, she got caught. She only got away with it before because you guys were never home.”

(After I said goodbye to her I called up my room-roommate and told her what I had learned!)

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Will And Disgrace

| Friendly | April 23, 2014

(My roommate and I are best friends. Though we sometimes are romantic with one another, he is gay, and I’m straight. One day, I’m lying on the couch, reading an erotic book. It’s from a female’s point of view, so there are long descriptions of male assets.)

Roommate: “Hey!”

(He starts reading over my shoulder. I ignore him, and turn the page.)

Roommate: “Ahh!” *recoils in horror*

Me: “Got to the girly bits, did you?”

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But Still Won’t Be Ginger

| Friendly | April 23, 2014

(I am a transgender man. I have very recently started to transition. I am discussing the haircut I want with my friend. We are both huge fans of Doctor Who.)

Friend: “You’ll look like a completely different person.”

Me: “Yeah, I know. It’s— oh, my god!”

Friend: “What?”

Me: “I’m gonna regenerate! That is so cool!”

Friend: “Woah…”

(And from then on, my transition was known as my ‘regeneration’.)

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The Floor Should Have Been Plastered

| Friendly | April 22, 2014

(I am drinking with my friends in a recently finished basement at Friend #1’s house. The carpet is white and brand new. We have all had our fair share of drinks at this point of the evening and are sitting on the floor playing a card game. Friend #2 spills her beer all over the carpet.)

Me: “Oh, no! Quick, someone grab some towels!”

Friend #1: “My parents are going to kill me if this stains.”

(I get some towels and start soaking up the spilled beverage. Friend #2 knocks me out of the way.)

Friend #2: “No, no, no! The carpet needs to be buzzed!”

(She proceeds to not only rub in the spilled alcohol with her hands into the carpet, but actually pours more beer on it. She then proceeds to pass out a few minutes later and we are able to clean up the spill.)

Friend #1: “Well, at least we got that taken care of, I just hope the carpet doesn’t have a hangover in the morning.”

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