(I have just landed in Vegas. I am a drummer, and have brought my sticks with me to practice. The sticks are sticking out of the top of my bag.)

Lady: “Security! Security! Someone help! That young man has a weapon! Help!”

Me: *turning around* “What? What’s going on?”

Lady: “Weapon! He’s going to kill us all!”

Me: “Lady. Look. They’re drumsticks. See?” *starts to pull sticks from bag*

Lady: “HELP! HE’S GOT A WEAPON!”

Security Guy: “What seems to be the problem here?” *sees me and drumsticks* “Uh, yeah. You’re free to go, kid.”

(It should be noted that I am 18, but I am small for my age and I look a lot younger than I am. I am sitting around the corner of a gas station, smoking, waiting for my friend to finish filling up her car. A customer comes out of the store and approaches me.)

Customer: “Hey, do you have another smoke?”

Me: “Yeah, sure.”

(I pull the box out of my pocket and, being polite, offer for him to take one out of the box.)

Customer: “Are you old enough to smoke? Are you twenty-one or eighteen or however old you have to be?”

Me: “Um, yes. I’m 18.”

Customer: *tries to take the whole pack from me* “You’re not old enough to smoke! You don’t look old enough!”

Me: *holding tightly to the nearly full pack* “I can assure you that I am old enough.”

Customer: *gives up and finally only takes one cigarette* “You’re not old enough!”

(I sigh in relief as he starts to walk away.)

Customer: *yelling from down the street* “You’re not old enough!”

(I am calling to order pizza from my family’s go-to pizza place. Even though we are regulars and order from this place every Friday, not everyone knows us because it is one of the more popular pizza places.)

Me: “Hi, I’d like to order a large half pepperoni, half extra cheese, for delivery.”

Employee: “That will be [Price] and it will take about 45 minutes. And what’s the address on that?”

Me: “It’s [number, Street, and Town], New Jersey.”

Employee: “Well it better be in New Jersey because I’m pretty sure if it was in Massachusetts we wouldn’t deliver.”

Me: “D***, I guess you won’t be delivering to me in college.”

Employee: “Definitely not. Boston is too far.”

Me: “How’d you know I was going to school in Boston?”

Employee: “[My Name], I’ve known you since we were eight. You told me two weeks ago where you were going to college.”

Me: “Oh, I wasn’t aware you realized who this was. Well, this is awkward. Have a good night.”

(We laughed about it in school for a few weeks!)

(My best friend for twenty years and I are chatting over Skype. We just came to the theme of TV shows.)

Friend: “Any tips on good shows?”

Me: “Currently I only watch Fargo, Hannibal, and this Danish show, Bridge. Try Hannibal, it is really interesting.”

Friend: “Thanks, buddy! Currently I only watch Elementary, Fargo, Murdoch Mysteries, CSI Cyber, Bones, iZOMBiE, Constantine, Daredevil, Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries…”

(Pause.)

Friend: “Jesus Christ, I need help!”

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(My husband and I are on a wine tour. I brought a camera with me and am about to take a selfie of the two of us. We are in our mid twenties. A stranger, probably mid-forties, calls over to us looking a little irritated.)

Stranger: *loudly, walking over to us* “No, no. Let me take one of you.”

(We wanted a selfie but since he is just being nice, I agree. I hand him the camera.)

Me: *pointing* “This is the button to take a picture.”

Stranger: *affronted* “What, because I’m too old to understand this newfangled technology?”

Me: *confused at his tone* “Um, no? Because the power button and picture-taking button look almost identical, and even I get them mixed up sometimes.”

Stranger: “…Oh. I guess that makes sense.”

(He took the picture and left, a little embarrassed. We took the selfie anyway.)