Archive for 2013

Jump to page:

Dance For Your Dinner

| Birmingham, England, UK | Related | October 28, 2013

(My wife, four-year-old daughter, and I are sitting down for our evening meal.)

Me: *to our daughter* “Guess what we are having tomorrow for dinner? Tacos!”

Daughter: “Yay! I know, I’ll show you my taco dance!”

(She starts to do a little dance in her seat.)

Wife: “That nice; why don’t you show us after you’ve finished your dinner? I can’t wait to see it!”

(Our daughter suddenly looks forlorn, and speaks in a very matter-of-fact tone.)

Daughter: “You can; it’s not very good.”

Getting Word

| MI, USA | Related | October 28, 2013

Me: “The Oxford dictionary had ‘derp’ added to it recently.”

Mom: “What?! What are they going to add next, ‘twerk?'”

Me: “Yeah, that was added at the same time as ‘derp.'”

Mom: “What?!”

Me: “They also added ‘selfie.'”

Brother: “WHAT?!”

Raising The Roof Of Stupidity

| Adelaide, SA, Australia | Related | October 28, 2013

(The roof of my back porch is collecting rain, so my dad and my brother help me make it more sloped to let the water drain off. I’m telling my mum about it.)

Me: “We fixed the porch.”

Mum: “Oh good, did you shorten the posts?”

Me: *sarcastic* “No, we raised the house.”

Mum: *serious* “Really? How did you do that?”

On A Roll, Stopped By A Bun

| Pompano Beach, FL, USA | Related | October 28, 2013

(I’m about seven years old. My parents and I are at a restaurant. The waitress comes to take our order, starting with my mother.)

Waitress: “What you would you like, ma’am?”

Mom: “Steak, please.”

Waitress: “And how would you like that prepared?”

Mom: “Medium rare.”

Waitress: “Sir, what would you like?”

Dad: “Steak for me, too.”

Waitress: “How would you like it?”

Dad: “Well done, please.”

Waitress: “Young lady, what would like?”

Me: “A hamburger.”

Waitress: “And how do you want it?”

Me: “On a bun.”

If Shakespeare Be The Fruit Of Love, Then Quote On

| USA | Romantic | October 28, 2013

(It’s a new relationship, and it’s our first time having sex. We’ve been hitting a few snags, but we’re treating it with humor and patience. After a lull, we decide to try again.)

Me: “Once more unto the breach!”

Boyfriend: “Did you just…?”

Me: “Quote Shakespeare in bed? Yes, I did.”

Boyfriend: “You’re amazing!”

(We high-five and keep going.)

Page 305/1,563First...303304305306307...Last
« Previous
Next »