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Droid-Rage

| OH, USA | Romantic | October 28, 2013

(My boyfriend likes to watch movies before he goes to sleep. I am searching for my PJs in the bedroom. I hear my boyfriend muttering as I lean over, looking in a drawer.)

Boyfriend: “You overweight glob of grease…”

(I bolt up with my eyes narrowed.)

Me: “What did you just say?”

Boyfriend: “Huh?”

Me: “What… did… you… just say?”

(My index finger is pointing and he has a look of abject terror.)

Boyfriend: “You overweight glob of grease?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

(He points to the laptop.)

Boyfriend: “C3PO, calls R2 an overweight glob of grease…”

Me: “Nu-uh.”

Boyfriend: “YES!”

Me: “Rewind it; you’d better hope he does.”

(He rewinds the movie.)

C3PO: *to R2-D2* “You overweight glob of grease.”

(I said I was sorry for snapping, but he hasn’t paraphrased that part of the movie since!)

Will You Meow-rry Me, Part 2

| Knoxville, TN, USA | Romantic | October 28, 2013

(I’m visiting my boyfriend at his dad’s house. We’re talking as he’s cleaning his cats’ litter-box.)

Boyfriend: “So, my dad’s asking if you’ll visit again during Thanksgiving.”

Me: “Thanks, but I’ll be spending Thanksgiving with my family.”

Boyfriend: “Am I not considered family?”

Me: “I love you, but I don’t. Not unless we get married or something.”

Boyfriend: “…will you marry me?”

Me: “…I’m going to pretend you didn’t just fake propose to me while holding a bag of cat poop.”

 

How I See My Girlfriend

| Romantic | October 28, 2013

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Math Word Problems

| Learning | October 28, 2013

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Truly Blind Faith

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Learning | October 28, 2013

(I am in a gym swimming class; one of my classmates has autism. Everyone is nice and loves her but one of my fellow classmates.)

Classmate #1: “I hate these d*** retards! If I ran the world I would make all the retards and gays go to a special camp where I would shoot them down daily. Then there would be less of them in the world!”

Me: “You mean like the Jews and others in the Holocaust?”

Classmate: “Butt out! I was not talking to you. Besides, that didn’t happen.”

Me: “Your sister is a teen mom right? Would you like it if I said that all teen moms should be shot down?”

Classmate: “What! No, that’s horrible! She’s didn’t do anything wrong! Why would someone do something bad like that to someone who didn’t do anything wrong? Also you should not talk about teen moms that way; you might upset someone.”

Me: “For one: I know a teen mom who is a great mother and also my mom was one too. I have no problem with them long as they take care of their children. Also, you say they didn’t do anything wrong? Think about it; did those people you talk about did anything wrong?”

Classmate: “They were cursed by God!”

Me: “I am walking away before I punch you…”

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