Archive for 2013

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They’re Having A Ball(s)

| Denver, CO, USA | Right | October 28, 2013

(I am sitting next to my mom while she makes a call on speakerphone to her ISP. I witness the conversation.)

Representative: “Hello, thank you for calling [Company]; my name is [Name]. How can I help you?”

Mom: “Hi, I need some testicle support.”

Representative: “… I’m sorry?”

Mom: “Testicle support! It doesn’t work right.”

Representative: “Umm… do you mean ‘technical support?'”

Mom: “Yes! What did I say?”

Representative: “Uh, not anything I can repeat.”

(I am struggling to hold my laughter in as I whisper the word to my mom.)

Mom: “Oh! Oh my… I can’t believe I said that! You don’t think I’m a weirdo, do you?”

Representative: *chuckling* “Don’t worry about it. That was the funniest thing I’ve heard all night.”

(From that point on, they make a point of saying the word ‘technical’ whenever possible during the conversation, and all three of us giggle like gossiping schoolgirls when anyone says it. My mom gets to the end of the call…)

Representative: “Thanks for calling [Company] TECHNICAL support.”

Mom: “Thanks for being such a great TESTICLE service rep. The next time I have a TESTICLE issue, I would be thrilled to talk to you again. For now, I’ll leave you to take care of another customer’s TESTICLE issues. Thanks again!”

(As we hang up, the last thing we hear is raucous laughter. We apparently made the night of more than one rep that little bit better. Thanks, Mom, for being such a loony!)

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Tipping Like A Boss

| Right | October 28, 2013

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Lies, Fired, Sue

| Right | October 28, 2013

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Baby Talk To Make You Balk

| Newport News, VA, USA | Right | October 28, 2013

(My neighbors have gone out for the day, and have asked me to babysit their youngest daughter, who is about two years old. I bring her to the mall so we can do a little shopping. I have her strapped into her stroller, and am pushing her around through the clothes racks. As I pause to look at some tops, a rather large customer walks past a rack, and knocks off some of the merchandise. She bends over to pick up the clothes.)

Two-Year-Old: “D***! That lady got a fat a**!”

(The customer rounds on me with a death glare.)

Customer: “What did you just say?!”

(I point at the two-year-old girl, completely mortified.)

Me: “I am so sorry! That was her!”

(The customer opens her mouth to berate me when the two-year-old girl pipes up again.)

Two-Year-Old: “D***! What a fat b****!”

(The customer stares at the little girl in shock before glaring at me again.)

Me: “She’s not mine! I’m just babysitting!” *to the child* “You shouldn’t say things like that! It’s very mean, and rude! Who taught you that anyways?!”

Two-Year-Old: “Big sister! Now buy me candy, b****!”

(I quickly wheeled her away under the glaring gaze of the customer. I didn’t babysit her ever again!)

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The Flash Versus The Flush

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Working | October 28, 2013

(My art team and I are enjoying our morning coffee as we situate ourselves in our conference room to begin the day. Typically, we have random conversations about even more random topics as we all filter into the room.)

Coworker #1: “Hey, what kind of super power would you have?”

Coworker #2: “Shape-shifting.”

Coworker #3: “Flying.”

Coworker #4: “I want to control the weather like Storm.”

Coworker #5: “I want to control people’s bowel movements so I can make them poop their pants.”

Coworker #1: “Yea… you’d be a villain.”

Coworker #5: “And you’d be sitting in your own poop right about now.”

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