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The Flash Versus The Flush

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Working | October 28, 2013

(My art team and I are enjoying our morning coffee as we situate ourselves in our conference room to begin the day. Typically, we have random conversations about even more random topics as we all filter into the room.)

Coworker #1: “Hey, what kind of super power would you have?”

Coworker #2: “Shape-shifting.”

Coworker #3: “Flying.”

Coworker #4: “I want to control the weather like Storm.”

Coworker #5: “I want to control people’s bowel movements so I can make them poop their pants.”

Coworker #1: “Yea… you’d be a villain.”

Coworker #5: “And you’d be sitting in your own poop right about now.”

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Trying To Repair The Sale

| Chicago, IL, USA | Working | October 28, 2013

(I am with my sister-in-law, helping her buy a used car. She decides on a car, and we sit down to negotiate.)

Salesman: “My manager says that your offer is fine, except…”

Sister-In-Law: “Except?”

Salesman: “Well, the car was hit on our lot last week, so we’re going to add the cost of the repair, so your new total is [total].”

Me: “I’m sorry; explain that to me again? You’re asking her to pay for an accident that she had nothing whatsoever to do with?”

Salesman: “Well, someone has to pay for the repairs.”

Sister-In-Law: “No!”

(As we we’re leaving the lot, my sister-in-law looks at me confused.)

Sister-In-Law: “Did that really just happen?”

(At this point the manager comes running after us, and asks us to come back to the table. She ends up getting that car for several hundred less than she originally offered.)

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The Braidy Bunch

| VA, USA | Working | October 28, 2013

(My coworker, who works in our warehouse, is a nice but very gruff, always serious guy with long hair. My other coworker, in contrast, is ditzy and can be annoying.)

Ditzy Coworker: “Hey, [Warehouse Coworker]! Come sit here and I’ll braid your hair!”

Warehouse Coworker: *annoyed* “Are you joking?! No way! Are you in high school?! I’m busy, anyway!”

Ditzy Coworker: *whines* “Whyyyyy? I just wanna braid your HAIR!”

(She pesters him over and over and he keeps saying no while glaring. A few hours pass when I don’t see either of them. At the end of the day, I see the warehouse coworker with his hair done in a braid! He sees me laughing at it.)

Warehouse Coworker: “It’s not polite to laugh.” *walks away with his braid swinging*

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How To Promote A Quitting Spree

| Long Island, NY, USA | Working | October 28, 2013

(I work for a large defense manufacturer. Towards the end of my second year, in December, I have a conversation with my supervisor.)

Me: “I think my work lately has been good enough that I deserve a promotion.”

Supervisor: “You can’t have a promotion. All the promotions for next year have already been decided on.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Supervisor: “All the promotions for next year have already been decided on. It’s company-wide. No more promotions are available.”

Me: “Do you mean that if someone was hired who was really brilliant, and who decided he wouldn’t stay unless he got a promotion, he couldn’t get it? That all the promotions for the whole company, for all of next year, have been decided on?”

Supervisor: “Yes.”

(I stare at him for a moment, trying to figure out if he believes that himself, or if he thinks I am stupid enough to believe that.)

Me: “Well, I’m glad we’ve had this talk. I think, under the circumstances, it might be best if I started over somewhere else.”

(Lo and behold, the next day he stopped by my desk to tell me my promotion was in the works!)

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Gay Guys

| Working | October 28, 2013

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