The Needs Of The Mini Outweigh The Needs Of The Glue

, , , , | Right | January 26, 2018

(My craft store sells a lot of vintage models: classic cars, old trains, etc. A customer comes up to me looking a bit frazzled.)

Customer: “Do you have any vintage glue?”

Me: “Vintage glue?”

Customer: *pointing to the sign* “You sell vintage, yes? I need some vintage glue for my car.”

Me: “Oh, I see. We sell modelling glue, but it doesn’t matter if the model is vintage or not.”

Customer: “Mine is vintage.”

Me: “Is it made of plastic, metal—”

Customer: “Metal, of course!”

Me: “Then I would recommend this glue.”

(The customer makes the purchase and leaves. A few minutes later she is back.)

Customer: “This isn’t vintage!”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “It isn’t working! I need vintage glue for my car!”

(It then dawns on me just exactly what this customer is asking for.)

Me: “Do you… Do you mean a real car?”

Customer: “Well, of course! What else would I godd*** mean?!”

(I take a measured glance at the many model cars we have on display, before returning to the scowling face of my customer.)

Customer: “Come outside; I’ll show you!”

(I walk to the door to the store and have to hold back a laugh as I see, on the other side of the street, a vintage 1970s Mini Cooper, missing the door on the passenger side. The door is currently resting on its side on the passenger seat.)

Me: “You tried to glue the door back on?”

Customer: “You said it was vintage!”

Me: “For model cars! Vintage model cars, not real ones!”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid!”

Me: “No, ma’am. What is stupid is you driving around with a car door missing, thinking you could glue it back on! How were you not pulled over?”

Customer: *blinks* “Why would I be pulled over?”

(I give up on this conversation and go back inside, as I have other customers. Half an hour later, this same customer is back at my till.)

Customer: “Do you sell scotch tape?”

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