You May Be “Almost There”, But I Am Come Hither To WIN

A few years ago for Halloween, I came up with the idea to go as Anne Boleyn — after she had been beheaded. My plan was to make a fake wound around my neck and use liquid latex and twine to appear as if my head had been stitched back on. I set about making a gown and French hood — admittedly not the best, as I’m not an experienced seamstress.

However, my two best guy friends heard about my idea, and they WANTED IN. Only two of King Henry VIII’s wives were beheaded — Anne Boleyn and Catherine Howard — so [Friend #1] decided to go as the deposed Catherine of Aragon, who died after being cast aside and neglected.

So, more sewing, French and Gable hoods, and ta-da! Three of King Henry VIII’s wives were ready to go. [Friend #2] and I did the stitched-on-head makeup, and [Friend #1] made himself up to be very gaunt and wraith-like.

Our local civic center holds Halloween events with a wide variety of costume contests you can enter for $10 per applicant. We entered the Historical contest (as a group), the Young Adult (eighteen to twenty-three) contest, and the Overall contest. We considered the Royalty contest, but seeing as those contestants seemed to be mostly children between six and thirteen, we decided beheaded wives weren’t appropriate and left that one to the Disney princesses.

We took first place in the Historical category, and surprisingly, we also won the Young Adult contest. In the Overall contest, we were a runner-up.

The prizes for first place were phenomenal — giant baskets full of gift cards and candy, and other random items like autumn-themed candles, coffees, and teas — so we were thrilled. 

However, the runner-up in the Young Adult contest was a young lady dressed in an absolutely stunning Tiana dress (from Disney’s “The Princess And The Frog”), which must have taken a lot of time and skill to make. She was not thrilled that we’d taken first and she’d taken runner-up.

She approached us, pointed an accusing finger at [Friend #1] and [Friend #2], and announced:

Tiana: “THOSE ARE MEN!”

Yes, [Friend #1] is male and [Friend #2] is masculine-presenting intersex. But who cares? Our costumes rocked, and if you can’t dress up as King Henry VIII’s dead wives with your best guy friends, what even is the point of Halloween?

Nobody was really paying Tiana any attention, so she said it louder. 

Tiana: “THOSE ARE MEN! IN DRESSES! MEN IN DRESSES!”

A few people looked, saw that, yes, my friends were in drag, rolled their eyes, and looked away. After all, it’s Halloween. Gender-bending is completely normal. 

Seeing that she wasn’t getting any attention, Tiana stomped off. 

We were hanging around, waiting to have our pictures taken for the civic center’s website, when we heard a commotion with the judges. I didn’t hear all of it, but the gist of it was that Tiana’s mother was complaining that our costumes “weren’t real” because men couldn’t be queens and that we shouldn’t have won because we weren’t “authentic”.

Trust me; we used historical sources for our dress and hood designs and based them on paintings of each of the wives. They weren’t hand-stitched or made of the same materials, but this isn’t the 1500s and we didn’t have infinite time or funds. 

Tiana’s mother got nowhere with the judges. But the next day, on Facebook, the civic center’s page with the photos and announcements had a ton of complaints from one person about how the contest was racist and sexist and how men had been allowed in women’s spaces. 

And if you went to the page of the woman complaining, guess what? Tons of photos of her daughter in the Tiana dress. 

I can understand being upset that she didn’t win first in either the Young Adult or Royalty categories — the dress was absolutely amazing and a lot of work must have gone into it — but there’s such a thing as losing gracefully and trying again next year.