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Biggers Can’t Be Choosers?

, , , , , | Friendly | June 5, 2021

I am Australian, and I’m at a company-wide meeting with colleagues from all over. I find myself explaining to an American the difference between Kiwi and Aussie accents; they are similar but there has been a vowel shift in New Zealand.

A few minutes later, we join another group who are asking a new colleague what he thinks of the city so far.

Colleague: “Before I got to London, I’d never seen a bigger.”

Everyone But Me: “What’s a bigger?”

[Colleague] holds his cupped hands toward us.

Colleague: “A person who asks for money.”

Everyone But Me: “Oh, a beggar!

My American colleague leans towards me and speaks with the pride of a student finding a practical application of a recent lesson.

American Colleague: “He’s from New Zealand, isn’t he?”

A Snappy Comeback

, , , , , | Right | May 19, 2021

A coworker, a seventy-year-old woman, has just finished her last day before retiring. She has said her goodbyes and is walking out through the lobby, still in her uniform. A customer approaches her and snaps her fingers.

Customer: “Tell me where Hall B is.”

My coworker snaps her fingers in the customer’s face.

Coworker: “Try again, this time with manners.”

The customer did not try again and my coworker is loving her retirement!

This story is part of our Best Of May 2021 roundup!

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When Your Close-Minded Friend Is Not So Closed-Minded

, , , | Right | March 24, 2021

I’m part of the con staff at a rather big convention. It’s the end of the dealer’s hall, so I’m asked to make sure the attendees start leaving. Because we have other staff working and the vendors still in to tear down, I always check badges before escorting them to the doors. I see two people looking at a booth that’s in the early stages of being taken down. Their badges are flipped, so I can’t see if they’re attendees or vendors.

Me: “Excuse me, can I see your badges?”

Attendee: “They already checked it at the door.”

Me: “I need to see what kind of badge you have.”

Attendee: “Why? They checked at the door!”

Me: “Because the dealer’s hall is closed. If you aren’t part of [Convention] staff or a vendor, I will need to walk you to the doors.”

Attendee: “They didn’t tell us you were closing!”

His friend pipes up.

Attendee #2: “Actually, they did. I’ve been asking you to head out since they’re closed. Now you’re arguing with the people with the con about it so you can feel like you’re in charge!”

The first guy shut up, and I walked them to the doors.