(I’m a waitress at a small tavern. I’m carrying a kettle to a table when I trip over a purse left in the middle of the tavern and spill boiling water over a customer’s leg. I brace myself for a very angry customer, thinking I’m going to get fired.)

Customer: *pouring a bottle of water over his leg* “Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?”

(My manager comes out apologising, demanding I apologise as well, raising his voice at me and being quite angry in general.)

Customer: “Why the h*** are you yelling at her? She tripped; it’s not her fault.”

(The customer then refused the free meal my manager offered, called an ambulance, but refused to leave until my manager assured him I would not be punished in any way.)

Manager: *to me* “Uh… sorry, but d***, I thought he’d sue the h*** out of us.”

Me: *still confused* “Some customers are very nice I guess.”

(The customer came in the next day, his leg wrapped in bandages, and asked if I had hurt myself, ate with us again, and left a generous tip!)

(This takes place before my morning shift starts. There’s just me, my boss and two girls in.)

Girl #1: “[My Name], did you ever try Toms?”

Me: “No, why? Are they comfy?”

Girl #1: “So comfy! You should get a pair!”

(My boss who was in our canteen, sticks her head out with a confused look on her face.)

Boss: “Hang on a second! [Girl #1], did you just ask [My Name] if he wears thongs?”

(Both of us burst out laughing.)

Girl #1: “No. I asked if he wears Toms, the shoes.”

Boss: “Ohhhh. I was thinking to myself that [Girl #1] and [My Name] know each other waaay too well!”

(With this, Girl #2 came out of the canteen laughing. We all had a good laugh about it. And this isn’t the first time my boss has said something like that.)

(My mom and I go to a henna stand so that I can get an anti-possession tattoo done. The henna comes out a dark blue because it is jagua henna. The lady keeps getting it on her fingers.)

Mom: “What do you say when people ask you about the blue all over your fingers?”

Tattoo Artist: *looks down at her fingers* “I strangle squids.”

(She then kept working like nothing happened!)

(The house that I live in is on a large area of property. We are located right on the city limits between two cities, with one part of the property technically being in one city but the house itself in the other. A lot of times when we order anything for delivery I outfit the driver to call for directions because GPS has a hard time finding us and will usually send them farther down into the next city to a vet’s office. On this particular day I have ordered a pizza and put the usual instructions so I get a call.)

Driver: “Hey, um, the instructions said to call you for directions and my GPS isn’t coming up with anything when I put in the address; can you tell me how to get to you?”

Me: “Yeah, GPS has trouble with my house which is why I put that. So, from the direction of your store you are going to turn left onto the highway and go until you see [Street]. The next opening you need to do a U-turn and it will be the first white house on your right. Call me again if you have trouble.”

Driver: “Okay, so what I need to do is [repeats directions]?”

Me: “Yes, exactly, but like I said if you still get lost call me.”

(He hangs up and I wait for delivery which should be about ten minutes since that is how far the place is from me. Fifteen minutes pass and it hasn’t arrived yet, then I get a call from the guy again:)

Driver: “Hey, so, when I got off the phone I found the actual directions to your house on the GPS and I am in front of the vet’s office. Where is your house?”

Me: “No, I know where my house is. Those are wrong directions. That is why I told you how to find me because otherwise you’ve gone too far. Now you need to turn around and go back and once you see [Street] we are the white house on the right. Got that?”

Driver: “Yeah, okay; I’ll see you soon.”

(Barely a minute passes when he calls me again.)

Driver: “Listen, I still don’t see your house so I’m just going back to the store and you can pick your pizza up there.”

Me: “I don’t have a car right now. That’s why I ordered delivery. Have you seen [Street] yet?”

Driver: “No, I’m not that far yet.”

Me: “Okay, listen I’ll just stay on the phone with you and do a step by step directions to my house. Where are you now?”

(He starts telling me the landmarks and the whole time is telling me he’s just going back to the store and I can pick up my food there and why did I give him wrong instructions. I’m ignoring all his comments at this point and am literally doing a step by step in which he still gets even more lost because he does about two more turns that I didn’t tell him to do. Finally he makes it to my house.)

Driver: “Wow, this is the hardest house to find! You need to give me a really big tip for all the trouble I had to go through just to find you.”

Me: “Listen, dumb-a**! If you had followed my directions in the first place none of this would’ve happened! What made you think I didn’t know my address?! Do you need help getting home or something because I know I don’t! You’re lucky I’m even giving you a tip at all with the s***ty service you just provided and complaining the whole way!”

Driver: “God! I was just saying. No need to be such a b****.”

(After that, anytime I ordered from there I made sure to ask for any driver but him and about three months later the driver who was quite familiar with me now told me he got fired because he would drive to the corner store, claim he couldn’t find the address, and call people to go pick up their pizza from the store.)

(I have a long-distance boyfriend in Germany and I am working on moving there to study and be near him. It’s all going well until he suddenly stops talking to me, doesn’t pick up his phone, and doesn’t answer any messages. I am worried sick that something’s not right, that he can be ill or something similar, until one day I accidentally discover he has someone on the side and his not talking to me is his method of breaking up. I am so thrown away that I can’t react adequately, aside from sending him a message to tell him I know. A few hours later, I text my friend in southern Germany, telling her about what I’d found out and asking her if we can Skype soon. I don’t get a reply all day, so I get even sadder. Later I have to go to a tiny second-hand boutique with my coworker, but I am so numb I don’t even know how to tell her.)

Coworker: “Oh, look at this dress! I can’t possibly fit into it, but you should try it!”

Me: “Oh, come on, [Coworker]; it’s pink. I don’t like pink…”

Coworker: “Yes, I know, but you know how hot you’d look in it? Your boyfriend will love it!”

Me: “No, he won’t; he’s not my boyfriend anymore.”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “Found out today he’s with someone else over there. Didn’t even have the guts to tell me he wants to break up.”

Coworker: “…but you just got accepted into [University].”

Me: “I know. And I’m going. It’ll all get better. But right now shopping with you is what’s keeping me together, basically.”

Coworker: *looking at me disapprovingly* “This won’t do. Come on, take this dress. I don’t care you don’t like it; you’re trying it on. And whatever else you want.”

(I hated the dress, but I tried it on anyway; didn’t buy it, though. I tried on a bunch of clothes and got myself some really nice things.)

Coworker: *cheerfully* “How about it? Those jeans you got are really awesome! I really don’t get your thing with olive green tops, though, but I guess olive green is to you what pink is to me. How are you feeling?”

Me: *trying to sound as cheerful* “All right, I guess…”

Coworker: “This won’t do at all! Come, there’s a [Chain Supermarket] across the street and they’re having an American week.”

Me: “Huh? What’s that got to do with anything?”

Coworker: “Chocolate chip cookies.”

(I got three packs of cookies and also some nice mustard and Spaetzle (noodles from the south-west of Germany). My mood got a bit better, because … well, cookies can do that for you sometimes. My coworker chatted with me about the city I was about to move to, because she had visited for a short time, and kept reassuring me I’ll feel all right there. Much later that day, as I was about to go to bed, I got another text from my friend in southern Germany, whose phone had been off and she had gotten my text just then. We Skyped the next day, decided collectively and with some help from her mom that my ex was a spineless swine, and chatted about a hundred things that actually cheered me up. I nearly broke out in tears, because this was her only day off and instead of chilling with her boyfriend, she spent five hours Skyping with me! A week later I got a care package from her, her boyfriend, and her family, full of sweets and eco-friendly cosmetic products and even some jewelry! It’s been more than two years and I’m still overwhelmed whenever I think of it. I’m living in Germany now and this friend gets small presents from me regularly. I’m still in touch with my old coworker and I’ve promised her that she’ll be my maid of honour whenever (and if) I get married. I love my friends.)