(It’s my thirteenth birthday, and my big request for my present is a day trip to see the Smithsonian in D.C, about four hours drive from my house. After getting up super early we make the long drive, and visit the Natural History Museum, which is incredible! Afterwards, we go find a pizza place to eat at.)

Mom: *mentions something about my birthday as the waitress passes*

Waitress: *smiles* “Oh? It’s your birthday?”

Me: *internally dreading the idea of being sung to in front of people* “Yeah! I’m thirteen!”

Waitress: *winks* “Don’t worry, honey, we don’t do the singing thing here, but we do have something special for birthday girls!”

(Cut to about ten minutes later, and she deposits an adorable plushie dog in my arms! I don’t know who you are, waitress, but thank you so much! That was really sweet, and I still have the dog, who I have dubbed Max. And of course, thank you mom and daddy for an INCREDIBLE birthday! That could not have been cheap, but I will appreciate it forever!)

(I am 22 and have just gotten hired as a student at a pet-care facility. I am very excited about working with the cats and with my mom, who had been there for almost ten years. I am frequently complimented on how quick I catch on and on my work ethic. My first evaluation goes well, though I do have a couple things to improve, as I’m still fairly new. I acknowledge what I need to work on, and we end our evaluation on a positive note. I continue to get compliments on my work and even start to develop a good friendship with the other students. My next evaluation is only positive feedback. Six months in, I am randomly stopped in the hallway by my team leader…)

Team Leader: “[My Name], can I talk to you for a minute?”

Me: *judging by the tone, I assume we’re going to her office and I start that direction and grow confused when she doesn’t move to follow* “Sure, what do you need?”

Team Leader: “Look, the other two supervisors aren’t particularly happy with some of the feedback they’ve gotten about you. They’ve heard that you talk more than you work, and you’ve been skipping tasks on the student list that you don’t want to do. They wanted to fire you, but I talked them out of it. So, for the next three weeks, you’re on probation. If we hear any more complaints, then I’m afraid we’ll have to let you go.”

(I simply nod. I am very embarrassed, as anyone could have overheard our conversation, though thankfully the hallway is empty. I start working even harder to keep my job. I check in with my team leader frequently to see how I am doing, and it is all positive, with no complaints. I’m even commended by my team leader for having such a positive attitude. Two months later, long after the probation period was supposed to have ended, I am in the middle of watering the cats for the morning when my team leader stops me…)

Team Leader: “Hey, would you mind coming with me for a minute?”

Me: *not thinking anything of it* “Sure, let me just finish watering this row—“

Team Leader: *interrupting* “You can leave the water.”

(I am now very nervous, as my team leader has never been that short with me. I have no idea what’s going on as she leads me to HR. The HR rep that did my paperwork is at her desk with an odd expression on her face. My team leader asks me to sit.)

Team Leader: “You remember the conversation we had about not receiving any more complaints about you?”

Me: *confused* “You mean the temporary probation I was given?”

Team Leader: “Well, we’ve received emails from over ten different employees over the last few weeks stating how you’re rude, abrasive, skip tasks, and generally just don’t do a very good job. Unfortunately, because of our last conversation, we have to terminate your contract.”

(I am shocked speechless. No one has said anything to me about my work slipping, and I’ve certainly never gotten a complaint that I was rude or abrasive. I am also very confused as to who all the complaints came from, as I only work directly with five or six people. I am mostly upset that I had not even been given a chance to refute the claims.)

Team Leader: “Do you have any questions for us?”

Me: “I don’t understand; what tasks was I skipping?”

Team Leader: “Apparently sweeping and mopping in the room you work in was a common one.”

Me: “No, because I’m always scheduled on isolation cats…”

(In the circumstance that there are enough people to sweep and mop, it is acceptable and preferred that the person scheduled for isolation skip those two tasks to get started on their job, so long as they ask first. There is only one day a week that I am not scheduled to clean them.)

Team Leader: *rather brusquely* “Well, it was on days you didn’t have isolation; I checked the schedule.”

HR Rep: *looking very unhappy with the decision* “We want you to make it clear to your mom why we are letting you go.”

(I thought the comment odd but nodded numbly, and she walked me out of the building. I called my mom in tears, as it was her day off, to explain what happened. She was very upset, but only became angry when we found out a group of her coworkers had purposefully gotten me fired to try to get her to quit, as her no-nonsense attitude doesn’t sit well with everyone. It’s still the only job I’ve ever been fired from, and though I still miss the cats, I am now in a job that I enjoy and am appreciated in.)

(This happened during the bird flu outbreak a few years ago. I’m a receptionist in a vaccination center. A woman enters.)

Woman: “Hello.”

Me: “Hello. Would you like to be vaccinated?”

Woman: “Well, we’re in a vaccination center. I guess you’re not selling cupcakes.”

Me: “Actually, the doctors and nurses who work in our temporary vaccination centers are assigned to different places every few days. I was just wondering if you were a client or a new doctor, that’s all.”

Woman: “…”

(My wife is moving doctor’s offices, and we go to her new patient appointment together. The doctor walks in, takes one look at my wife, and ignores her chart after the first page.)

Doctor: “Okay, so, I can’t be your primary care doctor. I’m not taking new patients.”

Wife: “Oh. Okay… Uh, do you know who my new primary will be, then?”

Doctor: “No, I’m too busy. Now I see you’re on [a list of seven medications]. You’re 24; there’s no reason for you to be on so many meds. Your last doctor was clearly too lenient. You’re here because your [stomach disorder that causes severe pain] is getting worse? I’m taking you off that prescription. You’ll feel much better once you lose weight.”

Wife: “I—“

Doctor: “You need to do the paleo diet. Lots of fresh fruits and vegetables. Once you lose weight you’ll be perfectly healthy. And get more exercise. Then your ankle will stop bothering you.”

Wife: “I can’t eat fruits and vegetables; I’m unfortunately allergic to them. Sometimes I risk it anyway, because I love them, but the aftermath just isn’t worth it. I also do yoga, walk two miles a day, and take the stairs instead of the elevator. My wife and I—“ *she gestures to me* “—also play flag football every Monday, but anything more strenuous sets off my asthma.”

Doctor: “The paleo diet would be the best for you. I have some pamphlets here for you to take. Now I’m going to press on your stomach.”

(My wife cries out in pain.)

Doctor: “Yes, once you lose weight, that’ll go away. Now, for you.” *she turns to me* “You also need a more active lifestyle. You need to exercise at least an hour every day, even if you’re at work.”

Me: “I have an office job, so I can’t really—“

Doctor: “Just walk away for an hour; it’ll be fine.”

Me: “Um, I—“

Doctor: “Just do it. You’ll be much healthier.” *turns back to wife* “Now I’m going to give you a list of foods you’re not allowed to eat, and exercise you have to do every day. All of these prescriptions are not necessary for someone your age. Once your weight gets under control—“

Me: “Will her ADHD magically go away? Will her tremors? Not everything can be cured by losing some weight. She was almost CRYING because her stomach hurt so much when you pressed on it and all you can say is that she needs to lose weight?!”

Doctor: “The paleo diet—“

Wife: “I’m ALLERGIC to most fruits and vegetables. I would love to have a big bowl of cantaloupe, or a salad, or some strawberries, but they make my mouth blister and then I puke. Also, my wife is NOT your patient. You have no right to turn on her and tell her to lose weight. She’s undergoing treatment for thyroid cancer AND has PCOS, both of which mean her weight fluctuates dramatically, but I can promise you she’s in great shape.”

Me: “But keep going. Tell us how dropping body fat will cure asthma, ADHD, tremors, and make her stomach problems go away.”

(We walked out of the appointment and later filed a formal complaint with the clinic. We got a very insincere apology from the doctor. Luckily our new doctor read through the entire chart and listened to us before making suggestions. Oh, and my wife’s stomach pain? She wound up in the ER less than a week later with gallstones, and had to undergo surgery. But, you know, that would have fixed itself with the paleo diet.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. Will this be delivery or carryout?”

Caller: *to someone in the background* “Ya’ll need to shut the h*** up! Seriously, ya’ll need to calm the f*** down! Little f******! G*****n it!” *to me* “Hello? You there?”

Me: “Um, yes?”

Caller: *laughs* “Sorry about that. I’m at work. Ya’ll deliver to [Daycare]?”