My sister is wrapping a present for our dad and discovers that the piece of wrapping paper she has cut is slightly too small, leaving a bit of brown cardboard box exposed. Now, a normal person in this situation would:

A, undo the wrapping job and rewrap the box at another angle so that the paper would cover it completely.

B, cut a small piece of wrapping paper to patch the hole in the current job.

C, cut a larger piece of wrapping paper and completely redo the wrap job.

My sister goes for option D: grab a marker and write on the exposed brown cardboard “Error 404, wrapping paper not found”.

Not sure what it says about the ratio of sanity to nerdiness in my family, but I found it hilarious, and so did Dad when he spotted it!

This happened when I was in Secondary Four (Basically 16 years old, for those unfamiliar with the Singaporean educational system). We were in physics class and one of my classmates had fallen asleep. He sits in the front row, so the teacher obviously noticed and decided to pick on him. He wrote a question on the board that was for the topic we had just covered and wrote down four answers, like a multiple-choice-question.

[Physics Teacher]: *bangs on [Classmate’s] desk*

[Classmate]: *raises head groggily* Huh?

[Physics Teacher]: [Classmate’s name], since you are clearly confident enough to sleep through my lesson, please tell the class the answer to the question on the board.

The rest of the class snickers. [Classmate] is quite unpopular and condescending, so we all are looking forward to seeing him get in trouble.

[Classmate]: *squints at the board* The answer is none of the above. The correct answer is ultraviolet.

Silence reigns.

[Physics Teacher]: *disappointed look on his face* You’re right. *sighs* Go back to sleep.

He slept through the rest of the lesson. The physics teacher leaves and our double-mathematics teacher enters the class. As her lesson goes on several other students fall asleep. It’s after lunch and Singapore is notoriously hot all year round, so it was quite the challenge to stay awake. One of my friends is among the sleepers. He gets chewed out by the teacher for falling asleep and not handing up his homework.

[Friend]: Why are you scolding only me? [Other Classmate] and [Another Classmate] are also sleeping and never do any homework! AND [CLASSMATE] HAS BEEN ASLEEP SINCE PHYSICS! SINCE AN HOUR AGO! AND HE NEVER HANDS ANYTHING UP EITHER! I WAS ASLEEP FOR ONLY TWO F***ING MINUTES!

[Classmate] *raises head groggily* S’meone say m’name?

[Math Teacher]: What did you get for your last test?

[Friend]: *confusedly* C5 and B3.

[Math Teacher]: What did [Other Classmate], [Another Classmate] and [Classmate] get for their tests?

[Friend]: Uh, A1 and A2s?

[Classmate] *yawns* Two A1s.

[Math Teacher]: And if you got the same marks as them I’d let you laze around too.

[Friend]: *noise of understanding*

[Math Teacher]: *turns to face [Classmate]* You can go back to sleep now.

[Classmate] only woke up when the bell signalling the end of school sounded. From that day onwards, there was a semi-official rule within our class that if you scored A’s in tests you had the right to sleep in class. For homework it differed on a teacher to teacher basis, but the four top scorers could generally get away with almost everything. In fact, they spent almost every class asleep for the rest of the year.

I was never able to make peace with the fact that the lowest scorer among the four sleepyheads placed fourteenth in our school in the O Level Examinations.

Tales from the Emergency Room

Patient enter scratching his skin.
Me : Hello. So, tell me ?
Patient: gfghutrRrgHuuiftyBOOOODYfrhYuUuk
Me : … yes, right.
Patient: ryhuuttghkBOOOODYfyyhjuf VERYWHERgyhhk !!!!
Me : (hiding my smile). Yes, indeed, it must be really unpleasant.
Patient: tyhhuuEzetghuRrBOOOODYguuj STARRRRRTINGgyuj juyuDrnk !!!!
Me : (skillfully doing the international sign for identity card with my hands) Papiere bitte ?
Patient : (giving me a social care receipt)… tyyuiRyhhh !!! BOOODY ! STARRRRRTING !!! GYhjufguHjvjk…
Me : Thanks (writing down, then pointing to the waiting room… ) Please, here is you receipt! The nurse will call you.
…
Guard : Waw… I don’t know how you are doing this , [my name]. I didn’t understand anything. What have you put in the file ?
Me : Easy… he was scratching all along. I have write “Dermato”.

I teach the 4,5 and 6 yr. old Sunday School Class at my church.
One day, I was telling them about how God made our families …….and they were to draw their families at their houses, ect.
All of them were busy on their individual projects, and I did not think anything else of it……until a student came up to me holding her drawing that she had made of her family. She was explaining that her brother, her and her sister were out in front of her house and her parents were inside the house. I thought “ok, they be doing house work while the kids are outside playing”. Suddenly, she say ” I drew Mommy and Daddy in their room because they still sleep together”. Mind you that all of them were stick figures. It took me and my co teacher 10 min. to stop laughing!

(My friend recently told me the story of how her husband proposed. They had been dating for around 6 months and had both been asked by their bosses–who are also their best friends–to move abroad in 4 months for work. This is how their boss moved things along:)

Boss: So you guys have both decided to to, right?

Husband: Yes.

Boss: In 4 months?

Husband: Ya.

Boss: I think you should get married first.

Husband: Wait, what?! I haven’t even told her I love her yet!

Boss: Well do you love her?

Husband: Yes, of course! But-

Boss: Well then you’ve got to tell her now.

Husband: We only have 4 months before we move!

Boss: Ya. So you need to tell her you love her this week, go ring shopping the week after that, talk to her family and set everything up, and propose at the end of this month.

Husband: Wait, you’re serious!

Boss: Absolutely. So, what day are you going to tell her you love her?

(Her husband did exactly as their boss advised, they were engaged by the end of the month, married 3 months after that, and abroad by the time their honeymoon was over. They’ve been happily married for 7 years and moved several times since then, still best friends with their bosses!)