Think Before You Park

I decide to go for a drive because there really isn’t anything to do with a combination of bad weather and ongoing lockdown mandates in Hawaii. My adventure takes me to a town where I come across a small ramen shop in a strip mall. The largest business here is a grocery store that sits among a variety of small restaurants, and the parking lot is extremely cramped and small.

When I arrive, I end up behind a Hyundai Sedan. The woman in the Hyundai parks in a five-minute parking stall which is clearly marked as such with three signs as well as banners painted on the ground across the front of each stall. These spaces have the advantage of being pretty much right against the doors of the restaurants and seem to be for picking up to-go orders.

I take the stall directly behind the stall she selected, across the aisle, which, as far as I can tell, is the only other available stall in the entire parking lot.

I sit in my car for a moment as I am on a phone call with one of my friends, and as I am sitting there, the woman gets out of her car, looks at the five-minute parking sign, looks at the painted stall markings, looks back at the sign again, and gets back into her car. She starts reversing and it soon becomes clear that she is attempting to back into the space I took, so I lean on the horn and flash my high beams to alert her of my presence. For the record, my car is almost NEON red; I don’t understand how she didn’t see me. She pulls back into the five-minute parking stall and gets out of her car.

I shake my head and resume my phone call when it becomes clear that she is attempting to talk to me by shouting from her car to mine. I wind down my window.

Woman: “Hey! You need to move!”

Me: “What?”

I open my door, look at the ground, and look for overhead signs just in case I have accidentally parked in a handicap stall or loading area, as some of these small shopping centers have bad markings. I find that my stall is a normal vehicle stall.

Me: “What do you mean?”

Woman: “You weren’t supposed to park there.”

Me: “Why?”

Woman: “I was trying to park there!”

Me: “No, you weren’t; you parked there! I even waited until you turned your car off before turning in.”

Woman: “Well, this is five-minute parking.”

Me: “Yes, I am aware; it is clearly marked as such.”

Woman: “I need to go to [Grocery Store]. That’s going to be longer than five minutes, so I need you to park somewhere else!”

Me: “Oh, no, I have business here, so I’m going to keep the stall.”

Woman: “No, you have to move! That stall was empty when I arrived! You shouldn’t have taken it.”

Me: “But you parked there, not here! You can’t claim a parking space just because it was open when you arrived. You chose your space. I chose mine.”

Woman: “Well, I didn’t see the five-minute parking sign.”

Me: “That’s not my problem, lady.”

For the record, if she had a handicap placard or plate, or even if she had just asked nicely, I would have moved because I am literally there on a whim to eat at this random noodle shop. I have nothing but time to burn and could gladly find a new place to be, but now I am irritated by this entitlement, and because of that eating, at this ramen shop is now my number one priority.

My outright refusal to cater to her needs, as well as my brusque response, do not please her as she gets out of her car and starts approaching mine, all huffy, pulling out her cellphone.

Woman: “You have to move.”

Me: “No, I don’t, and I’m not going to.”

I shut my car and the lights off finally.

Woman: “Well, I don’t—”

Her eyes catch my movement as I turn my dashboard camera to face her and she stops mid-sentence, staring at this black square mounted under my rearview mirror.

Me: “Yeah! That’s a dashboard camera, with audio, and it has been recording this whole time, so guess where you’re going to end up?”

This was an empty threat; as good as this camera is, it would not have — and in fact, did not — catch the whole conversation since it was situated inside the cab of the car. The woman, however, did not know that, and all the fight seemed to blow out of her as soon as she thought her behavior was on camera and subject to be posted to the Internet.

She turned on her heel and pretty much ran to the grocery store.

The woman ended up leaving her car in five-minute parking. By the time I left the ramen shop, it had already obtained a parking violation from the mall’s onsite security, though I doubt those carry any weight at all.

The ramen shop was amazing, by the way.