(This is where I entered the conversation.)

Lady Customer: “Yes, I have at home a ‘widows’ computer. Will the software work on a ‘widows’ computer?”

(We have a clock at the wild animal park that chimes every fifteen minutes. A guest walked up to my ticket booth and asked me a question…)

Guest: “What do those chimes mean?”

Me: “Those tell us what time it is.”

Guest: “Oh. Does that mean we have to leave the park?”

Me: (I’m trying really hard not to laugh) “No. It’s only noon and the park closes at 8 pm.”

This story is part of the Closing Time roundup!

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(I work at a small, independent coffee shop. You will be surprised how often things like this happen.)

Customer: “Do you sell alcohol?”

Me: “No, we only sell coffee.”

Customer: “But it says shots on the menu.”

Me: “Espresso shots.”

Customer: “What kind of liquor is that?”

(I work in an uppity part of town where the e-shoppers come out of their yuppie caves to shop.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but I have a question.”

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: *points at a popular movie puzzle with a picture of a child playing with said puzzle* “Is the kid on the box part of this puzzle?”

Me: “Um…what?”

Customer: “Well, if the kid is part of the puzzle, I don’t want it. He has nothing to do with this movie.”

(At this point I turned around and walked to the back room where she couldn’t get me.)

This story is part of the “Customers Who Don’t Know How The World Works” roundup!

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(A customer calls in to a call center and states that he can’t connect to his internet. After about 20 minutes of trying to get the customer to troubleshoot, none of which he can manage to do, the rep figures the cable is simply disconnected. However, since the customer can’t troubleshoot they come up with a clever way to fix the problem.)

Rep: “Sir, can you unplug that big phone cord looking cable from the box with blinking lights and your main computer box and hold both ends in your hands for me?”

Customer: “Yeah, hold on.” *shuffles around* “Well that was easy. Got it.”

Rep: “Okay, what I need you to do is swing one end of that around above your head as hard as you can. Sometimes bad packets get stuck in the end, making it impossible to connect to the internet.”

Customer: “Alright! One second.” *whooshing in the background* “… Okay, done, Now what?”

Rep: “Okay, now plug it back in to the back of the blinking lights box and the main computer box and let me know when you have done that.”

Customer: “Wow! That really worked! Thanks!” *click*