Customer: “I need you to make wall paint this color.”

She gives me a metallic rustoleum for reference. She wanted gold paint.

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t make metallic wall paint.”

Customer: “I DONT WANT METALLIC! I WANT IT GOLD!”

Me: “…so do you want like this?”

I pick a gold-ish yellow from our samples wondering if she meant like marigold gold. And she again goes:

Customer: “NO! THATS YELLOW!”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t do shiny paint.”

Customer: “I don’t want shiny! Just gold!”

It goes back and forth like this so I just tell her to pick a sample because, clearly, I am not able to read her mind. She picks out three separate swatches and I mix three separate mini samples (each $9 but we have a policy to fix it if the color is wrong) and every time she waits until I am done mixing to inspect it and go:

Customer: “This is not the right color!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am not making any more samples for you. You should’ve figured this out before you came here, and I will charge you full price for all of these if you ask for any more.”

She finally left, albeit very angrily.

Customer: “This movie is 3D?”

Me: “Yes, that’s right.”

Customer: “What does the D stand for?”

Me: “Dimensions.”

Customer: “Okay. And what does the 3 stand for?”

Me: “It just means the movie is in three dimensions.”

Customer: “I see. But what does that mean?”

Me: “It means the image on the screen will have the illusion of depth, almost like it’s 3D, just like real life.”

Customer: “Oh… So, real life is in 3D?”

Me: “Well… yes.”

Customer: “So, why am I paying extra for something that I get in real life for free?”

Me: “I… don’t know how to answer that, sir.”

Customer: “Scammers, all of ya!”

The customer still watched their movie. They didn’t complain or come back to talk to me, so I guess they were happy with all their dimensions.

I am a medical assistant. This kind of exchange happens on a too-regular basis.

I enter the waiting room and call a patient’s name. The patient stares at me. I pause before calling the patient’s name again.

Patient: “That’s me…”

Me: “We’re ready for you.”

Patient: “Oh!”

They get up and follow me back.

Our gym has a health bar that makes protein smoothies and other smoothies. A young woman comes up to order.

Young Woman: “Can I get a large Power Pineapple, but make it with the recipe for the small?”

Bar Worker: “Do you mean you want the rest filled with ice?”

Young Woman: “No, I want it filled with smoothie. I just want you to use the recipe for the small.”

Bar Worker: “It’s the same recipe; the ingredients are just doubled.”

Young Woman: “Yes, but I don’t think you’re understanding. I want you to use the ingredients for the small, and make a large with it.”

Bar Worker: “We can do that, but we would have to fill the remaining volume with extra ice, and it would be really watered down. Is that okay?”

Young Woman: “No, I don’t want extra ice. I want all smoothie. I just want you to use the recipe you use for a small.”

Bar Worker: “So, you just want extra space in the cup?”

Young Woman: “No, I want the cup full, but I want you to use the recipe for the small.”

Bar Worker: “The recipe for the small will only make enough to fill a small cup.”

Young Woman: “Look, I just want a large smoothie, full of smoothie, but with the recipe for the small so that there are fewer calories.”

Bar Worker: “Ma’am, that’s not possible. More smoothie means more calories.”

Young Woman: “But the recipe for the small has fewer calories. Look at the board: 250 instead of 500!”

Bar Worker: “Yes, ma’am, because you get half the amount of the large.”

Young Woman: “I don’t get why this is so hard for you. You know what? Forget it. I’ll go somewhere else.”

I wonder if she ever found her smoothie.

I work in a furniture store that’s going into administration. We are selling off everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. The manager makes me put a price label on the kitchen dustpan and brush. We are frantically trying to deliver stock we have to the customers but as sofas and the like take twelve weeks or more, many are never going to get their orders and we’re refunding mad customers on a daily basis.

This is done usually via telephone but lots of customers come into the store. All we can do is give them a form to fill out.

A very entitled customer comes to the front desk where I am currently working alone. She practically shouts at me:

Customer: “I want my refund! I want it right here and now!”

Me: *Getting the form.* “If you could start filling out this form—”

Customer: “Look at me when I am talking to you!”

Me: “I am looking at you, but I have blindness in one eye so sometimes it’s hard to tell.”

Customer: “Well they shouldn’t put you ‘disabled’s’ on the front desk; they should hide you out back.”

The company has gone bust, I have no job in two days the ONLY reason I don’t lay into her is the extra $100 a day to see out this sh*t-show. I turn and walk away, find the assistant manager, explain, and then tell him to deal with her.

He walks over to the front desk, hands her a form and tells her she better take it and leave, or he’ll report her for a hate crime against people with disabilities. She huffs and leaves, shouting expletives and waving the form above her head.