I Have A Dream And A Voice

, , , | Right | March 30, 2011

Customer: “I think I was just in the wrong theater.”

Me:The King’s Speech? No, that was the right one.”

Customer: “It’s just been all these British people talking.”

Me: “Yes. The King’s Speech.”

Customer: “But, isn’t it about Martin Luther King Jr.?”


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No Chance Of Defying Gravity

, , , , | Right | November 29, 2010

Customer: “I bought tickets for Wicked on Broadway and I want a refund.”

Me: “Okay, was your show postponed or canceled? That’s the only time we can give refunds.”

Customer: “Well, I wasn’t able to watch the show, so I want my money back.”

Me: “Why were you unable to watch the show?”

Customer: “When we got to our seats, my husband felt sick from being so high up and we had to leave.”

Me: “When you purchased the tickets, were you aware that they were in the balcony?”

Customer: “The woman told me they were in the balcony, but I didn’t know what that meant. I know what a balcony on a house is, but a theater isn’t a house. I’m not stupid.”

Me: “If you weren’t sure about the seat placement, why didn’t you ask for clarification?”

Customer: “I didn’t want to sound stupid. I’m not stupid!”


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Mall Brats

, , , | Right | October 26, 2010

(My theatre group does a play at an amusement park. We often walk around the park in costume to tell visitors about the play. Note that the play was about two “bad guys” who wanted to cut all the trees to build a large shopping mall in the forest.)

Me: “Did you see those two guys? They want to build a mall here. I don’t know what that is, but it sounds bad!”

Little Girl: “You really don’t know what a mall is?”

Me: “No, I just live here in the forest.”

Little Girl: *with piercing eyes* “Really. I mean in real life.”

Me: “I really live here!”

Little Girl: “No, I mean when you’re in your normal clothes.”

Me: *giving up* “Okay, in real life I know what a mall is.”

Little Girl: *looks satisfied* “I knew it!”


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Eating Disorderly

, , , | Right | October 26, 2010

(A customer has just purchased some tickets and they’ve just been given their tickets.)

Customer: “Oh, before I go… if I eat my ticket, can you replace it?”

Me: “Uh, eat… your ticket?”

Customer: “Yes, I eat things, I can’t help myself.”

Me: “If you eat your ticket, then keep your receipt and we’ll be happy to replace your ticket.”

Customer: “Oh, okay thanks!”

(The customer walks away and then pauses and comes back to the ticket desk.)

Customer: “What if I eat my receipt and my ticket?”

Me: “Please don’t.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks!”

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At Least His Answer Is In The Right Aria

, , , , , , , , | Learning Right | October 14, 2010

(I am giving a tour of the opera house to a group of fifth-graders. We are backstage and we pass a large service elevator, generally used to transport grand pianos, costume racks, etc.)

Me: “So, guys, who can think of a reason why the opera needs such a big elevator?”

*silence*

Kid In The Back: “Because there are REALLY BIG PEOPLE in operas!”


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