Goodbye Dolly

, , , | Right | June 29, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, can I buy three tickets?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we’re sold out.”

Customer: “Isn’t this [Town] High School?”

Me: “Yes, but this show is sold out.”

Customer: “How many seats are left?”

Me: “None. We’re sold out. There’s another show tomorrow at–”

Customer: “Well, next time you should think about being already sold out before you start selling tickets!”

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Scratching Is Believing

, , , , , | Right | March 11, 2010

(A customer appears at my elbow and grabs my arm.)

Customer: “You’re wearing too much make-up!”

Me: “I’m not wearing any makeup. I just have chapstick on my lips.”

Customer: “I don’t believe you!”

(Suddenly, the customer scratches her nail down my cheek and checks under it for make-up.)

Customer: “Oh, I guess you’re not. You have lovely skin.” *walks away*

(Her scratch left a huge red mark on my lovely skin that was still clearly visible three days later.)

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Riverdunce

, , , | Right | February 25, 2010

(A patron approaches me after sitting through a three-hour classical concert.)

Patron: “Excuse me, when do they start dancing?”

Me: “Um, there is no dancing, ma’am.”

Patron: “Isn’t this Riverdance?”

Me: “No, ma’am. This is the New Zealand Symphony orchestra. Riverdance is on at the theatre next door, and finished about an hour ago.”

Patron: “Why didn’t you tell me? I thought this was the warm-up act.”

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The Five-Minute Fan

, , , | Right | February 17, 2010

(At the bookstore where I work, we sell tickets for local events.)

Customer: “Hi. I’d like tickets.”

Me: “All right, for which show?”

Customer: “I don’t know. I heard about it on the radio today, but I can’t remember who it is.”

Me: “Did they say when the concert was?”

Customer: “Um…”

Me: “Was it coming up soon?”

Customer: *shrugs*

Me: “Do you remember anything at all about it?”

Customer: “I think the guy’s name was…” *spews out a couple syllables as he tries to guess a name*

Me: “Is it [Name]?”

Customer: “Yeah! That’s the one! I want tickets for that show!”

Me: “Unfortunately, that show is tonight, and it’s been sold out for the past week.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “There haven’t been tickets available for a few days now.”

Customer: “You’ve got to be kidding me! I’ve been waiting ages to go see this show, and now you’re telling me I can’t? This is ridiculous!”

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Dance of the Eye Gouger Fairies

, | Right | December 2, 2009

(Our office sells tickets to two different locations that are no more than ten minutes apart for events and performances that are often very different. A caller is inquiring about one of these performances.)

Me: “This performance is at [address].”

Customer: “Wait, it’s at [address]? Oh, that’s too far to drive. Is there anything happening downtown that day?”

Me: “Yes, sir. There is a performance of The Nutcracker that evening.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I think I’d rather gouge my eyes out than be exposed to culture! I’ll have to call you back.”

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