Me: *on the phone* “Good afternoon, this is [School].”

Caller: “Hi, I need to see if I can get my son into your school?”

Me: “All right, that’s easy. Come over anytime next week, when we’ll be taking applications.”

Caller: “Can you fax it to me?”

Me: “No, I can’t, but you can print it out from our website, along with all the information there. Is that okay?”

Caller: “Yeah…”

Me: “We only accept applicants for 7th through 9th grade from this school district, just to let you know.”

Caller: “Oh, what is your district?”

Me: “[Name] high school district.”

Caller: “Oh, where is that?”

Me: “[Name] and its neighboring cities.”

Caller: “Oh. That’s where we’re moving.”

Me: “You don’t live in the district?”

Caller: “No, we live in New Jersey. We’re going to move to California so my son can go there.”

Me: “Ma’am… I’m afraid that you need to live within the district to put in an application.”

Caller: “Yes, we’re moving there.”

Me: “You need to be in the district when you put in the application.”

Caller: “When are applications due?”

Me: “They’re due the third week of January through the second week of February.”

Caller: “Oh. We’re not moving for a little while.”

Me: “Yes… you need a copy of a gas or electricity bill so we can verify your address is in the district. If I may ask, ma’am, what grade is your son in?”

Caller: “Oh, he doesn’t go to school.”

Me: “…”

Caller: “My son will be one year old in a few weeks!”

Customer: “Excuse me, where are the red pocket folders? I don’t see them here.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we are all sold out of that color.”

Customer: “Well, my son HAS to have one for his class.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we are all sold out. We may have more on Saturday.”

Customer: “What do you mean by ‘may have’? Don’t you know?”

Me: “Well, they come to us in assorted colors. We don’t have a choice of what we receive.”

Customer: “My son has been getting an ‘F’ every day from his teacher for the past week! He will keep getting an ‘F’ until he brings one in!”

Me: “Have you tried the office supply store across the street?”

Customer: “Is this how you treat your customers? It will be YOUR fault when he flunks out for this!”

This story is part of the Customers-Are-To-Blame roundup!

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(We often get fashion design students in our store to get samples of fabric for school projects.)

Student: “Can I get some swatches? I go to the [fashion school] and need them for a class project.”

Me: “No problem. That’s the school I went to.”

Student: “Oh, cool! What do you do now?”

Me: “… I work here.”

Student: *their dreams crush before my eyes*

Me: “Photography studio, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, hi, I just received a second notice…”

Me: “… for your yearbook session?”

Customer: “Yeah, well, for my daughter. I’m just calling to see if this is a scam.”

Me: “No, ma’am, we work with your daughter’s high school. If she doesn’t have her photo taken within the next three weeks, it won’t appear in the yearbook.”

Customer: “Oh… so do you offer a class?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You know, a class for parents who don’t really understand this whole process?”

Me: “Well it’s really not that complicated. Your daughter just has to come to the studio and have her picture taken. It will probably only last twenty minutes. If you want more information on the sessions we sent out brochures with the first notice or you can go to our website.”

Customer: “So… you don’t offer a class?”

(A teacher calls me to her classroom. She is trying to project an image on a screen behind a student for a TV camera shot with the projector at eye level in front of the student.)

Teacher: “There is a shadow behind the student now. How can I get rid of that?”

Me: “You can’t. He is blocking the light from the projector from getting to the screen. You could put the projector behind the student, but the image would be smaller on the screen.”

Teacher: “Then what can we do?”

(I get the idea of holding a piece of paper over part of the lens of the projector to create a square area where the student stands where no light would shine. This gives the shadow a bit neater of a shape rather than a human shape.)

Me: “Here, hold this paper over the left side of the lens where the student is standing.”

(The teacher puts a piece of paper RIGHT IN FRONT of the students face.)

Me: “No, right by the lens so a square unlit area will be where the student is standing.”

(The teacher moves the piece of paper and puts it directly BEHIND the students head.)

Me: “No, here…”

(I put the piece of paper in front of the projector lens, leaving a nice square dark area on the screen where the student would stand.)

Teacher: “Well now there is a square there! There is no image directly behind the student, just around the student!”

Me: “Yeah, I know. There is nothing you can do about that, though. It’s the physics of light.”

Teacher: “What if I ask your boss? Think he could do it?”

Me: “No, he cannot bend light around objects.”

Teacher: “Why not?”

Me: “Because he’s not a black hole.”