(On Sundays, we close both dine in and drive thru at 9 pm.)
Customer: *in drive thru* “Hey, how late are you guys open?”
Me: “Well, it’s 8:58. We’re closing both dine in and drive thru in two minutes.”
Customer: “Okay, we’ll be right in!”
(The customers proceeded to come inside and took 20 minutes to decide what they wanted, then tried to stay and eat inside. My manager let them. I had to stay an hour late, with school in the morning.)
(I work at a popular fast food chain that is known for their coffee. In order to make a drink that is part one drink, and part another, we have modifiers that come up as 1/2, 1/3, and 1/4. I’m making the coffees at the drive thru when I see and order for a French Vanilla come up, but the person taking the order hit the 1/3 coffee modifier three times.)
Me: “Uh, so, what am I making here?”
Coworker: “A medium French vanilla with three-thirds coffee.”
Me: “So… a coffee?”
Coworker: “No. French vanilla, with three-thirds coffee.”
Me: “But that’s just 100% coffee.”
Coworker: “No, it isn’t. It’s three-thirds coffee.”
Me: “Three-thirds is one whole. Three over three is one. It would be completely coffee.”
Coworker: “I don’t think you know what you’re talking about.”
Me: “I’m an engineering student. Math is kinda my thing.”
Coworker: “I still think you’re wrong.”
(By now it’s taken long enough so that the customer has made it to the window.)
Me: “So sorry. What was in your drink?”
Customer: “It’s a medium French vanilla with one-third coffee.”
Me: “Ah, gotcha! The person taking the order put three-thirds coffee!”
Customer: *laughing* “But that would just be a coffee!”
Me: “See?”
(My husband and I are meat eaters, but we occasionally like to have veggie burgers. This place has a veggie burger that isn’t bad, so we decide to stop there one night after the movies.)
Me: “We’d like two Veggies, please.”
Employee: “You’d like what?”
Me: “Veggies. You know… the veggie burgers?”
Employee: “…”
Me: “You know? The ones without meat?”
Employee: “Oh. Gotcha.”
(When we got home, we found that our ‘burgers’ consisted of buns, lettuce, tomatoes, and condiments. That’s it. Technically, they did indeed contain no meat.)
(I am eating lunch with my grandparents. They are in their late 80s and my grandfather is nearly deaf. He is sharing about the time he spent at Cornell University.)
Me: “I know someone who used to work at Cornell.”
Grandfather: “Really? What did he do?”
Me: “He’s a chemist.”
Grandfather: “He does table tennis!?”
Me: “No, he’s a chemist!”
Grandfather: “Okay… What does Dennis do?”
(My boyfriend of six years has spontaneously taken me out for a midweek romantic meal to our favourite restaurant. I decide to ask him the zombie question.)
Me: “So, listen. If there was a zombie apocalypse and I got bitten, what would you do?”
Boyfriend: *without even pausing for thought* “Honey, I would shoot the s*** out of you.”
