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Innocence Lost

, , | Right | April 20, 2010

Me: “[Company], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yea, I need you guys to work on my car’s transmission. How much?”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t work on cars here. We print things.”

Caller: “But… but I Googled [Company] and I got you guys.”

Me: “I’m sorry, Google was wrong. I don’t know how we got on there.”

Caller: “But I Googled you! You have to do it!”

Me: “Ma’am, we have copiers here, not a garage. Try the Yellow Pages?”

Caller: *sounding very betrayed* “I can’t believe I Googled you.”

Reaching New Heights Of Stupidity

, , , | Right | April 19, 2010

(I am on the beginner chairlift with two of my adult students.)

Customer: “So, when does the mountain close?”

Me: “We stay open until there is no snow left. This year, the guess is late April.”

Customer: “So, it’s open past daylight-savings time?”

Me: “Yes, it is. How is daylight-savings time related to the mountain being open?”

Customer: “Well, with that extra hour of sunlight, the snow must melt extra fast!”


This story is part of our Customers Versus Mother Nature roundup!

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A-B-C, Easy As D-U-H

, , , , , | Right | April 19, 2010

Customer: “Hey, can you help me find this book?”

Me: “Sure.”

(He holds up a piece of paper with the title and author of a book on it. I find it on the shelves and hand it to him.)

Customer: “Thanks! How’d you do that so fast?”

Me: “Well, I’ve worked here awhile, and the books are all in alphabetical order by author’s name.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Alphabetical order. Like the alphabet song? You know, A’s before B’s?”

(He looks confused, but then widens his eyes.)

Customer: “The letters actually go in that order? I thought that song was just to remember them all!”


This story is part of the Bad With English roundup!

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Not To La-Boar The Point, Part 2

, , | Right | April 1, 2010

Me: “All right, is that everything, ma’am?”

Customer: “I have a question.”

(The customer holds up two packages of sliced ham.)

Customer: “Does this have any pork in it?”

Me: “Um, well, yes. Ham is a pork product.”

Customer: “Both of them?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Okay, then I’m not getting them. I thought maybe you had the kind of ham that had turkey in it.”

Canada: America’s Hat, Part 2

, , , , , , , , | Right | March 22, 2010

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “You’ve got an accent.”

Me: “Yeah, I’ve heard that. I’m not from here.”

Customer: “You’re American?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m from upstate New York.”

Customer: “But American, right? You’ve got a visa? You need one to work here?”

Me: “No, I don’t have a visa–”

Customer: “Holy s***! You’re illegal? They know you’re illegal here?”

Me: “I’m not illegal. I’m from upstate New York, near Canada.”

Customer: “Oh, if you’re from Canada, you’re not really illegal then. Canada’s like America, just different. Welcome to our country. I’m looking for a book. You probably only read books in Canadian, but I can help you with the language and you can find me a book here.”

Related:
Canada: America’s Hat


This story is part of our roundup about customers who are bad listeners!

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