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Articulated Truck Drivers Aren’t Articulate

, , , | Right | October 25, 2010

(A truck driver walks up to the desk and stares at the wall behind me.)

Me: “Can… I help you?”

Driver: “Yeaaaaa…” *waits ten seconds, looks behind him, looks back at me, waits another five seconds* “I don’t have my shipment numbers.”

Me: “Well, where are they?”

Driver: “They’re in the truck.”

Me: “They’re in the truck?”

Driver: “Yup.”

Me: “So you left the truck with the numbers inside, walked all the way through the property, and up to my desk to tell me you left the numbers in the truck?”

Driver: “Yeaaaaaaa.” *stares at the wall again*

Me: “You want to go get them?”

Driver: “Get what?”

Me: “Are you filming this?”


This story is part of our Oblivious Customers roundup!

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When Sizes Are XXX

, , , , , | Right | October 24, 2010

(I am assisting a man holding a small and medium shirt.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m just thinking about S and M.”

Me: “I’ll leave you to that, then.”

Suffering From A Reptile Dysfunction

, , , , | Right | September 17, 2010

(I am holding one of our bearded dragon lizards for customers to pet.)

Customer: “Okay, so I know they’re bearded dragons, but what are they?”

Me: “They are bearded dragons.”

Customer: “I know that, but aren’t they a type of insect or something?”

Me: “No, ma’am. They are a type of reptile.”

Customer: “Oh. Are they related to the ones that breathe fire?”


This story is part of our Clueless Zoo Customers roundup!

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Assault And Battery

, , , , | Right | September 3, 2010

Customer: “Hi, I think I have a problem with my computer. I tried fixing it myself, but now it’s just not booting at all. I’d like to have it backed up, too, while you’re at it because I run a business and I can’t afford to lose anything.”

(The next day, I call the customer.)

Me: “Hello, sir, was this the only copy you had for your business data?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, do you have any disgruntled employees that may have had access to your computer recently?”

Customer: “No, why?”

Me: “Well, sir, the hard drive has been hacked at with what looks like a flat-head screwdriver, severing a connection on the bottom.  It appears very deliberate, and we won’t be able to retrieve your data.”

Customer: “Do you mean the battery?”

Me: “No, sir, the hard drive.”

Customer: “Oh. I thought that little round thing on the bottom of the hard drive was a battery. I was just trying to replace it. Well, I’ll just come in and pick that up.”

Customer: “Very good, sir.”

(Four minutes later, he calls back.)

Customer: “Just a quick thing: if my wife comes in and asks about it, could you leave that part out?”

You’ll Just Have To Weight

, , , , , , | Right | September 3, 2010

Customer: “Could you add the tomato I sampled to the total price?”

Me: “Do you mean you ate it?”

Customer: “Yes, please add it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we charge tomatoes by the pound, so that would be kind of hard to do.”

Customer: *thinks for a second* “Well, I weighed 157 pounds before I ate it…”


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